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March 20, 2017
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President reveals that he wrote most of Berry's most successful songs. Also, those of Joseph Haydn.

PALM BEACH, FL –

As the country absorbs the death of consummate songwriter, guitar virtuoso, and architect of Rock and Roll Chuck Berry, President Trump made a surprise revelation at his Mar-A-Lago resort Saturday. It was, in fact, a young President Trump who had taught Chuck Berry how to play guitar in the first place.

“I am as sad as anyone about the passing of the legendary showman Chuck Berry,” said the President, “In fact, I am more sad than anyone, considering I taught him everything he knew.”

The president, not known for musicianship, or for any musical talent at all, took pains Saturday to say how much he had enjoyed listening to Chuck Berry play all of the guitar licks he had taught him when visiting St Louis as a young child in 1949 when he was three years old.

“My father, as you know, was a very successful real estate developer, and he would travel the country as part of his business. And it so happens that we visited St Louis right after I learned to play electric guitar,” the President said. “I was very young. Maybe three or four years old. But I was a master at the instrument. I could play it up and down the neck like nobody else.”

“Well, we were at a high school dance one night, and the guitarist for the band couldn’t play because he had hurt his hand changing a flat tire in the parking lot. My father suggested I get up and play, and so I did.”

Weird Guy

“I was quite good by the way – the girls were very into my performance even as a three year old. Very into me.”

“Anyway, there was this weird guy backstage who was listening to me play. And after a few songs, he goes over and calls up his cousin and plays him my music over the phone. Later, it turns out, the cousin was Chuck Berry.”

“When I first heard Chuck’s songs on the radio and realized they were my songs, I wasn’t mad. I thought, you know what? He was a pretty smart guy. He knew a bunch of hit songs when he heard them.”

Although the President is not credited on any of the 200+ songs that Mr. Berry wrote, he did not pursue the Rock Legend in court. “I was so successful in the real estate business, that I really didn’t have time to assert the copyright on ‘Johnny B. Goode’, or ‘Roll Over Beethoven’ or the other 14 songs I had played that night at the dance” said the President.

"And then when the Beatles and Rolling Stones started covering my music, I figured I would just wait until they’d made a lot of money, and then I would bring a lawsuit against all of them at once.”

Many Billions

When asked what he thinks his song catalog is worth, President Trump estimated it was in the billions. “I know for a fact that Elvis Presley, Roy Orbison, Neil Sedaka, all the greats, they all heard me play as a young kid. It seemed like every time I turned on the radio, I heard another one of my songs. So, it’s going to be a very, very big settlement. Many billions.”

Representatives at performance rights organizations ASCAP and BMI were not available for comment on the impending lawsuits. However, a spokesperson who manages the museum for Viennese composer Joseph Haydn said they had been contacted by lawyers for president Trump, who was claiming copyright for the composers work from 1767-1783.

The museum, a non-profit dedicated to preserving the original manuscripts of Haydn, is hoping to settle out of court.

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