The presidential hopeful that you always forget about, John Kasich, is still campaigning and apparently really reaching out to his female constituents. Boy oh boy does this man have a way with words! He really nails just how important it is for women to leave their kitchen once in awhile to go vote for him. That’s how he got where he is now (polling at 7%)!

I mean with speeches like this, I can’t help but be inspired to continue writing for articles for a living. Imagine, me a woman, establishing an entire career outside of the kitch–OH FUCK! The kitchen! I left the oven on to write this piece and oh shit oh shit oh shit the entire place is up in flames!!!!! MY HUSBAND IS GOING TO FLIP

Ah fuck! I should never have left the kitchen to write an article. WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING? Kasich is right. I should only be leaving to vote for him. I bet if I voted for someone else my kitchen would burst into flames. Goddamnit. Being a woman isn’t worth it! Hell, voting for Kasich isn’t worth it either!!

If you need me I’ll be in my burning kitchen.

Advertisement
Advertisement