Lindsay Lohan, former star of “The Parent Trap,” reveals her gaping child trap in the upcoming January/February issue of Playboy. I think I speak for all of us when I say, “EWWWWY!” Well, I guess I should not be bold enough to claim that ALL of us think that. Some of you hairy, old perverts are probably salivating at the thought of a washed-up, ginger coke fiend showing some skin. The rest of us “normal folk” are most likely either disgusted or indifferent.
Personally, I face a mixture of disgust and indifference when thinking about the subject. Why am I disgusted? This is Lindsay Lohan we are talking about. Remember her? She was the cute little red-head who stole our hearts in films but then started snorting blow and holding up children at gun point. After facing jail time for violating probation and vanishing out of the media Lindsay is in need of some money. How can she acquire the money/attention which she desires?
Let’s consider some options: Decent acting role? Too expected. Helping the community? Not a chance in Hell. How about shamefully showing her boobies? YES! That’s the only logical solution I see.
Lohan is being paid one million dollars or more for her appearance in PlayBoy. One MILLION dollars! Hugh Hefner wants this freckled train wreck naked so badly that he would just give away millions. Regis gave a million dollars to some of the most intelligent people in the world after they struggled through answering nearly impossible trivia questions. This bitch gets a million dollars for unstrapping her bra and removing her chlamydia ridden panties. But hey, she has to pay Jamal for all those 8 balls somehow.
This whole ordeal makes me question our country’s motives even more than usual. I was not aware that so many sick bastards were that eager to see Lindsay Lohan naked. I was also not aware that we gave millions of dollars away to retarded people for getting naked. Playboy is one of the many things exemplifying that our country is headed deep into the shitter. I can’t wait for the following month’s issue of Playboy where we get to see Ana Nicole Smith’s corpse sprawled out in the ball pit at Chuck E. Cheese. Too soon?
Mike Gursky @gurskyman