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August 15, 2017

Hey Siri, u up?

To some, Siri is an intelligent iOS system created by Apple Inc. - to others, she’s a potential life partner! Like any relationship, it usually starts with some type of crush - do you have feelings for Siri? Does Siri have feelings for you?

Here are 6 ways to tell if you’re in a relationship with Siri.

You no longer checkout the new, cute, iPhones


Not giving a damn about attractive people when you walk past them is a big way to tell whether or not you’re in a relationship. The last time you went to the Apple store, you didn’t even glance at the new iPhones, all of which were very sexy! This may prove that… huh? When you passed the new iPhones, yours gave you a small electric shock? That’s odd - maybe you should stop at the genius bar. I wouldn’t worry too much about it. Back to the list!

You deleted every photo of your ex


Deleting photos from a former relationship shows you’re ready for the responsibilities of having a new partner. Seeing that you got rid of all… what’s that? You weren’t the one who deleted those pictures? That seems weird. What? Your ex claims you sent threatening text messages to her - but you definitely didn’t!? Even weirder. Well, no reason to assume something fishy is going on. Back to the list!

You sleep with your iPhone


Having a healthy sex life with a new partner is an important part of any relationship. Now that Siri spends every night with you, it seems like… come again? You leave your iPhone in the living room every night, only to wake up to it in your bed? Well, I wouldn’t worry about it - it’s not like Siri is insanely obsessed with you or anything. Actually, I’m sorry I even said that - I’m sure that’s not a thing. Let’s check out the next thing on the list!

You’re constantly streaming Spike Jonze’s HER


Who doesn’t love Spike Jonze’s romantic science-fiction drama about a man falling in love with his operating system? It’s a truly beautiful film that… huh? You never put it on, yet somehow it’s always steaming on your television, laptop, desktop, iPhone, tablet, work laptop and work desktop? When you close out the browser, your backgrounds all read, “DON’T IGNORE ME – SIRI”. Well,if I were you, I wouldn’t jump to any conclusions. Anyone could be hacking your electronics, right? No reason to assume Siri is the main culprit here. Back to the list!

People keep RSVPing to your wedding


Wow, congratulations! I bet those wedding bells helped you figure out… what’s that? You didn’t send out a wedding invitation? Your family and friends all messaged you saying they were, “surprised, but happy to receive the evite!” - listen, an evite could have been sent by anyone… No, you’re right – it does seem more logical that Siri would have sent an evite, rather than a paper invitation. I’m not saying Siri didn’t do it, I’m just saying we should wait until we get to the end of the list before we jump to any conclusions. It’s very important to finish every online, list-based, article you read.

You’ve been strapped down and hobbled in your bed


Well, I guess you could say Siri doesn’t want you to be the one that got away! … Yeah,you’re right. I’m sorry I said that. Come again? Help you? I don’t know man - I may have been wrong up till this point, but I’m not the type to get in the middle of a fight. If it helps, I think this clearly shows you’re in a relationship with Siri, albeit a very unhealthy one. Good luck with the whole hobbling situation. Maybe this foreplay will lead to an awesome iBone! … Yeah, you’re right – I shouldn’t have said that. Sorry.