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May 10, 2017
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"Firing the person investigating you, so you can appoint the new person to investigate you? Love it."

Hey Trumpy,

It’s me, the Ghost of Richard Nixon. We’ve spoken before. Remember when you were eating a burnt steak with your bare hands in the Rose Garden at 4 a.m. a few weeks ago and I came up behind you as the wind and manifested a whisper that you heard as, “Your sins will haunt you all of the days you trudge on this mortal coil!” Haha, good times!

Anyway, I just wanted to give you a quick shout out for firing Comey.

Firing the current F.B.I. Director while an investigation into your administration’s ties to Russia is ongoing? That’s some good firing, Trumpy. Some first class firing.

I mean, I know you’re the expert when it comes to firing (“Ya fired!” and all that from your television show – haven’t seen it myself, TV’s not really my thing, but I’ve heard about it around the ghost water cooler). But I’m no slouch myself when it comes to firing. As you know (actually, you probably don’t – history isn’t really your thing, hah!) I fired special prosecutor Archibald Cox when he was investigating the Watergate burglary. That’s why they called me Tricky Dick! Either that, or because I have a cunning pecker! Haha, just kidding, that’s just a little joke I say.

Anyway, it didn’t work out for me in the end, of course. The chickens came home to roost, as it were. And them chickens roosted with a fury. But it bought me some time.

So enjoy the time left while you’ve got it, bud! I’m rooting for ya. I called the Watergate thing a “third-rate burglarly” to try to diminish it in everyone’s eyes. You calling the Kremlingate / Russian scandal stuff “fake news” seems to be a similar tactic, which I respect. Nixon’s got mad respect for ya, Trumpy.

Here’s another little joke I say: “I am not a crook. I WAS a crook. Now I’m just a ghost.” Hah!

Oh, one last thing: when the truth does come to light (and it will, hah, it always does, damn ol’ thing), a piece of advice: don’t admit to it. That’s the one thing I did wrong. I willingly stepped down from office.

Outdo me, Trumpy. That’ll make the Nixon comparisons stop.

Don’t resign!

Dig your heels in!

Make ‘em pull you out of there, kicking and screaming.

That’ll show 'em, Trumpy. That’ll show 'em all.

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