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December 02, 2011


So I think I posted this one about two days or so after the Sandusky allegations broke out at Penn State University.  I won't spend too much time discussing the matter here in the intro since I use the FaNasty News outlet to vent such issues.  All one can hope is that Mr. Sandusky didn't kiss his mother with that mouth.

At this point in the league articles, you should be well in the know if you've simply been following along.  I will spend less time talking about fantasy league matters in these intros and instead let the posts tell the story.

ATTENTION WHITE PEOPLE: The phrase "Let's keep it 100" means 'let's be completely honest' and the phrase "Chilled in the cut" means 'hid in the background.' These definitions will make a lot more sense and serve as beneficial in the next few moments. You're welcome.

*DISCLAIMER: In this article, we take a brief look at the phrase "no homo." Any discussions regarding sexuality and/or sexual preference are meant for satirical purposes only and are in no way meant to offend anyone. My cousin's gay.


Professional Blues = me (Fox)

my ninjas = black

Jack D Rocks = brown

Legion of Doom = blue

RamRods = red

Bastard Mutants = orange

T. Green? = green

AK-47 = Adam (only met him a few times and have no idea what his last name is)

CANT WAIT = turquoise 

Bruce Blingstein = gray (*automatic win*)








FaNasty News Around The League (Week 9)

Tuesday,11/8 4:00 PM - Let's keep it 100 and immediately discuss the Penn St. Pedophilia Chronicles. How is the receivers coach (Mike McQueary, a grown ass man) going to walk in on that scumbag raping and ravaging a young defenseless boy, and then just go home and tell his dad like it was a movie review? Why wouldn't he stop what he saw going on? I think this is where we need to draw the line on "no homo." If you see two guys kissing and walk away, that's a justified no homo move. But to not stop a man from dominating a small boy against his will is NOT no homo. From the way I see it, that may even be homo now that you didn't stop it; because now I wonder if you just chilled in the cut and watched the entire show (and/or massacre) unfold. But I digress. The inevitable injuries and byes of midseason pro football are starting to play a part in the FaNasty league, and we are now starting to see who the legit team owners are (and aren't). The top and bottom of the league are starting to appear clearer, but that middle is all clogged up. The middle of the league is just kinda hangin' in there and yet unavoidable, like that flap of skin on Virginia Tech football coach Frank Beamer's face. Let's have a look into week nine's results...that's an order!

LEGION OF DOOM-W (8-1) -- *AUTOMATIC WIN* (LoD: 177pts.)
To the one who absolutely needed this the least, congratulations. I'm not even going to spend a lot of time here, but another typical solid day from B** J****'s Legion. I only see injuries getting in the way of the dominance of this club. Must be nice to have Adrian Peterson's bye week coincide with the week of an *automatic win*. LoD rolls, the show goes on.

BASTARD MUTANTS-W (6-3) v. CANT WAIT-L (4-5)   (BM:194pts. - CW:126pts.)
Looks like "Jerry Jones" may actually need to focus on football all day. CANT WAIT owner E***** S****** was short and downright rude with FN reporters last time we spoke, and we were willing to cut the asshole some slack if he at least won this week. Turns out the trade with M*** L*** did not lead to much production on the field. Notable shitty performances from S******'s club include DeSean "Poor Man's Devin Hester" Jackson, Beanie "Weenie" Wells, and Curtis "The Goldilocks Sloth" Painter. On the other side of the coin, Mutants owner D** S***** must be impressed with almost surpassing 200 points this week, even without points from receiver Darrius Heyward-Bey. The defense played huge, which has pretty much been the case all year. Wide receiver Brandon Marshall was a surprise big performer, and Drew Brees seemed to shake off the "Corpse Booty" critics and go about his business like usual. As predicted, the Bastard Mutants rolled and easily covered the spread.

T. GREEN?-W (5-4) v. RAMRODS-L (4-5)   (TG:181pts. - RR:167pts.)
Through most of Sunday, the weekend's hottest matchup appeared to be just that. Then T** P******'s T. Green? club began to separate themselves by the end of the San Diego Chargers game. Quarterback Phillip "Psycho P" Rivers put up big numbers as well as tight end Rob Gronkowski to seal the win for T. Green? in week nine. J*** C****** may need to pull out all of the shitty trade proposal cards after this loss, which knocked his RamRods club to sixth in the league. Knowshon Moreno was more like NOshon Moreno, and Matt Schaub and Fred Jackson simply didn't get it done. A loss next week could be real bad news for a seemingly real bad owner managing a not so great team. As predicted, P******'s club covered the spread in a crucial victory.

AK-47-W (4-5) v. MY NINJAS-L (4-5)   (AK:167pts. - MN:140pts.)
I had a feeling these clubs would be traveling in opposite directions, and the results of this matchup served as a unequivocal confirmation of that such feeling. my ninjas owner D** O******** will surely have some explaining to do. Why has he not shaken up the roster? How has his team fallen so mightily? How in fuck did E***** think O********'s team was one to watch out for? All of these questions and so many more will need to be addressed sooner rather than later, and I expect to see changes this week heading into the *automatic win*. He needs to start with defense, because boy are they bad. AK-47 owner Adam winds up with a huge win here. Arian "Fucking" Foster and St. Timothy Tebow (still would refuse to acquire him if he were on waivers) put up big numbers, and I think that club is starting to smell the playoffs. Also, I wonder if Adam sent P Blues owner Fox a bottle of champagne for releasing wide receiver Eric Decker. I was wrong on this prediction, as even I didn't think my ninjas sucked that much ass.

PROFESSIONAL BLUES-W (6-3) v. JACK D ROCKS-L (3-6)   (PB:177pts. - JDR:157pts.)
After all of the heavy shit-talking by JDR owner S** C******* leading up to this matchup, he ultimately could not back it up. Fox out-managed S** as he said he would, and he proved that his long-time friend was indeed a notch below himself when it came to decision-making and player personnel. You would have thought S** was managing a good team with how much confidence/arrogance he displayed heading into the weekend. And is he? I'd like to say no, but much of this matchup came down to roster adjustments. Quarterback Matt Cassel did enough for Fox, and Vincent Jackson stole the show. Throw in key additions of tight end Jake Ballard and kicker Robbie Gould, and you can see that Fox outsmarted his greener opponent. C******* got a very solid effort from his offense, and he did gain a gentlemen's point over Fox by acquiring free agent running back Willis McGahee (Fox instead acquired free agent Jackie Battle's broke ass). At the end of the day, however, V-Jax and the Blues defense were too much to handle. I picked the PB Squad as my dog for the week, and they did not disappoint.

-PBvCW (Fox looking for revenge from his week one loss to S******, who's CANT WAIT club is close to desperation mode.)
-AKvRR (Adam looking to get into the playoff discussion while also knocking C******'s RamRods out of it.)
-TGvJDR (P****** trying to remain among the top of the league while S** needs to get wins now if he even wants to think about postseason.)
-LoDvBM (Both clubs have been waiting almost two months for this rematch.)
-MN: *automatic win* (God damn, O******** needed this in the worst way.)

-FaNasty News