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August 07, 2017

A message from HR

From: Human Resources
To: All Employees
Subject: Reminder: Asking a Co-Worker to Bend the Knee is Prohibited

Dear Employees,

Please be reminded that it is absolutely against company policy to request that a fellow employee come to you and bend the knee. This applies to all employees regardless of role or seniority, from executives to temporary workers. It is unacceptable in any meeting, which includes performance reviews and job interviews. We are very proud of our workplace culture of collaboration and mutual respect, and this practice is in direct conflict with our values. We take this issue very seriously. It is offensive in any context, but it may be especially offensive to those unfamiliar with Westerosi custom, who may also perceive it as an act of sexual harassment.

We understand that you may want to celebrate successes, but we are all on the same team here. If you ask someone to perform a task, someone makes a sacrifice for your project, or you receive a promotion, it is appropriate to thank co-workers. It is NOT appropriate to demand they kneel before your office chair and symbolically declare their undying loyalty. In general, you should not be communicating with our competitors, and you definitely should not be taunting them by sending interns to their office lobby with a scroll demanding they travel to our office to bend the knee.

Remember that company email is a work tool that should not to be abused. Please exercise good judgment when writing emails. Sending a message to another employee demanding that they drop what they’re doing and travel in person to your desk to bend the knee is not only rude, it is a misuse of resources and disruptive to workflow. This is also a great opportunity to remind everyone that ravens are not permitted inside the building. And no, there are no such thing as service ravens.

Thanks for your attention to this concern. Please report any employee who makes this request of you or anyone else. We also want to remind everyone that interns are not to be referred to as “Faceless Men” and that it is a violation of our religious tolerance policies to preach that there is only one god and his name is Death at any work-related event.

Thank you,

The Human Resources Team

From: Human Resources
To: All Employees
Subject: RE: Reminder: Asking a Co-Worker to Bend the Knee is Prohibited

Dear Employees,

As a follow-up to our previous email, a friendly reminder that you may not request trial by combat for an HR violation.

If you have a mercenary swordsman loitering in the hallway outside our offices, please remove him immediately.

Thank you!