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January 10, 2011

rant, Dennis Miller, gay

So, time travel seems to be the way to go. I wish I could jump back in time to some of the most essential moments in history. The assassination of Lincoln, the invention of the telephone, the discovery of anal sex. You know, key points in our history where man was forever changed afterward. I think the first place I'd jump to is about 6 minutes before Kennedy was shot. I'd stand on a corner of Houston St., down in Dallas, and just before his limousine passed, I'd whip my penis out and while doing the helicopter, I'd shout, "GO, JOE!" I wonder if that would leave an impression. I'd like to think it would. Maybe the last thing that went through his head, besides the bullet of course, would be a visual of me flapping my uncircumcised ding dong in the wind. I guess I would feel a point of significance for the rest of my life. Another place I'd go on my little time travel route would be the exact moment that Warner Bros. had the nauseatingly bad assumption that "Batman and Robin" would make a great film. The Warner execs would all be sitting comfortably in their little chairs and blabbing back and forth about how Schumacher has created a masterpiece and then, all of a sudden, POOF!, I would appear in my time travelling device and yell to the entire room of men, "THIS IS FOR PUTTING NIPPLES ON THE BATSUIT, DICKHEADS! HAHAHAHAHA!!!" And just before I hit the switch to disappear, I'd pull the pin off of a grenade and toss it in the middle of the room. I wonder if these fat, rich, powerful weasel sucking cockroaches would scatter. Or simply sit there like brainless zombies, bewildered, just as the room lights up in a glorious explosion of retribution for all of the comic book fans who were sick of the nipple and crotch close-ups of Schumacher's Batman films.