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September 02, 2009


Is my height better than yours? If you are 6'1" and you are male, no, our heights are equally awesome. If you are anything other than 6'1" and you are male, yes. Sorry. Well, I'm not that sorry, or sorry at all.  I suppose I meant sorry like I feel sorry for you. So, sorry.

Ever since I was in the front row of class pictures as a tiny kindergartner and tiny 1st grader and tiny 2nd grader and tiny 3rd grader and tiny, well you get the idea, I wanted to be six feet and one inches tall. When I was far from the mark by junior year of high school, I started to get a little nervous that I'd have to rely on teasing my awesome hair to push me to my goal. But, surprise (actually, not really surprise), I was a late bloomer, and by freshman year of college I was a striking 6'1".  How perfect?! (Never mind that I weighed a measly 125 lbs. That's true, not a joke. I made Rachel Zoe look fat.)

Based upon an informal survey that I conducted with a test sample consisting only of myself, 100% of all people surveyed agreed that the best height for a male is 6'1". So, if you want to be the perfect height too, just follow these simple tips:

(1) Don't be shorter than 6'1". Being shorter than 6'1" is one of the worst things a person can be.

(2) Don't be taller than 6'1". Being taller than 6'1" is not as bad as being shorter than 6'1", but it's not as good as being 6'1".

(3) Be 6'1". Seriously, this is the best thing you can do.

(4) Have awesome hair.

And, in case you were curious, it's rad being the perfect height and having just really great hair.  You understand.