The following are puns that work in theory, that will sadly go to waste, as they are about events not bound to happen any time soon. 

RON A-PAUL-AGIZES FOR SOMETHING HE SAID!

NEWLY KNIGHTED SIR CHRIS BROWN A THREE-RING ACT!

KIM JR. MARRIES A SOUTHERN WOMEN WHO GIVES BIRTH TO TWINS – MEET MISS MAW JONG-UN!

MICHELLE GIVES BIRTH TO BARACK-TUPLETS!

RACECAR DRIVER WINS HUMAN ORGAN TRANSPLANT RACE – HE EARNED HEART!

OLIVIA JOINS A SPORTS TEAM – TIME TO PLAY MUNNYBALL!

ACADEMY AWARD NOMINEE JOINS MEDIOCRE BAND – SAY HELLO TO MA-ROONEY 5!

OSCAR FRONTRUNNER STARRING HOWIE MANDEL TOUCHES US ALL

IS SANDRA HIDING IN SCOTLAND? FIND THE BULLOCK-NESS MONSTER!

NEIL DISCOVERS TIME TRAVEL, MAKES SELF YOUNG AGAIN

OLIVIA MUNN RECRUITS NEIL TO PLAY ON THE DIAMOND!