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December 15, 2008


* CANBERRA  — A federal court in Australia has approved the use of Facebook, to notify a couple that they lost their home after defaulting on their loan after more conventional approaches failed.

Sources close to the couple say, "It's bad enough they threw a friggin' goat at us, but to go around Super Poking us with eviction notices is just plain rude!"

* PHARR — A Texas man has been arrested after a 9-year-old girl wrote to Santa Claus asking that a relative stop touching her and her sister.

In a related story, this reporter also wrote to Santa asking him for someone to start touching her.

Sources close to Winky, the elf who received Lois Lane's letter, say, "Rub a lamp, girl!"

* BEAUMONT — Texas police were called to a store by a silent burglar alarm overnight. The would-be robber, turned out to be a 4-year-old boy who was hiding inside, playing with toys. Police said surveillance video showed the boy opened the door to a Family Dollar store around 3 a.m.

Sources close to a wiser, more seasoned, 5-year-old burglar say, "The frickin' dollar store? Are you shittin' me? Who sneaks out of the house in the middle of the night for yoyos that aren't even Duncan's? Clearly this youngster needs to be schooled about real toy stores."