Full Credits

Stats & Data

92Funny
7Die
298,370
Views
October 21, 2015
Published
Description

Daniel Murphy had a terrifying walk home from Citi Field on Sunday, as he couldn't seem to shake the mob of teammates that greeted him at home plate and then proceeded to follow him home.

Hometown Hero Terrified By Mob of Teammates That Followed Him Home

DanielMurphy_2747202.jpg

Daniel Murphy had a terrifying walk home from Citi Field on Sunday, as he couldn’t seem to shake the mob of teammates that greeted him at home plate and then proceeded to follow him home.

“A car slowed down next to me as I walked,” explains Murphy, “A few Mets barked congratulatory remarks at me, then hooted, then waved those orange playoff towels. Then they just kept following me.” Murphy says he tried to lock the mob out of his house, but they somehow got in through a garage door window. “Then they slapped me on my head and jostled me through the night,“ Murphy explains.

Over the course of the team’s off-day Murphy says he has became afraid for his own safety and that of his family. "The mob tackled my newborn son, slapped him on the ass, then cream-pied my wife.”

“These are commonly employed practices among excited teammates. And we see them not only within Major League Baseball, but throughout sports in general,” explains Baseball C.O. Joe Torre. And the research supports his claims–one survey found that 80 percent of lovable hometown heroes were drowned in Gatorade at least once in 2015. And even though it’s been proven that players hate being wet and sticky, there is no end to these gatorade attacks in sight. “It’s a pandemic,” says Torre, “and that’s terrible for a clutch New York darling like Daniel Murphy.”

“Yes, of course I want to deliver every clutch hit and win the World Series basically on my own,” Murphy said when we interviewed him at his home, “and absolutely, it feels nice to get a few fist bumps. But my ass is just so sore.” Murphy was limping and he had bags under his eyes from all the nights he’d spent getting mobbed by teammates. “To be honest,” he said, “I’m scared it will never end.”

Then Murphy turned to his wife and kids. He ruffled his son Noah’s hair and kissed his wife Victoria on the cheek. Then, he felt the light sprinkle of champaign on the back of his neck. And he knew they had returned.

Advertisement