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Published October 06, 2008

On Sunday I ran a 5k for some kids or something. I really ran it for the sweet, sweet long sleeve cottton t-shirt. I am running out of clothes so i get sponsored to compete in events for charity where I receive clothing for participating. This has kept me from stealing clothes from homeless people. Anyway, at these events some people tend to take it very seriously. Olympic serious. They get dressed in their fancy Nike/Adidas/Reebok running apparel and stretch/make weird noises for hours before the race. What has always fascinated me about them is the extremely short, shorts they wear. I decided to wear some short, shorts of my own. I borrowed my friend Linda's booty shorts and one of her track t-shirts from high school. Along with a pair of her knee-high socks. I let my facial hair grow out as much as a I could on three days notice and shaved my head for extra attention. I will be posting pictures for all to laugh at and feel free to comment on how you think I am a closet homo who only did this so he could wear girl's clothing. The best part about it was everybody's reaction when I took off my track suit to reveal my running attire. EVERYBODY was staring at me. Half the people were confused, and half were laughing. Girls loved it more than guys who probably thought I was disrespecting their athletic event. The girls would complement me on my outfit and the guys would give me looks like they were better than me. I would tell them that it is gonna be even funnier when they lost to me. I also stretched for long periods of time, getting as close to the guys that seemed to be extremely uncomfortable with my outfit. I was doing a lot of groin stretches to make sure I did not damage anything important. As we all lined up for the race I made my way up to the front. The gun went off and the race began. My friend Mike and I were out in front for the first mile. I decided to drop back so that I could run next to the REAL runners. As I would run next to them I would ask them about their life, what they did for a living, if they had a family, where did they get their shorts. Most guys were aggravated since talking while running takes the air out of your lungs affecting your breathing. Some guys were pretty cool about it and told me they were focusing on the race. Other guys threatened to harm me and one guy tried to push me when I got to close to him. I did not get a trophy probalby because when I got 3/4ers of the way done I turned around and ran backthrough the pack complementing my fellow runners and handing out hundreds of high fives. Over all it was a good day. I got my free t-shirt and some free food. My friends got hours of laughter and a couple old guys almost died trying to hurt me.

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