To whom it may concern: THIS IS MY TWO WEEK NOTICE
As of ______ I will no longer be working at _______. Not because I got a new job but because I refuse to remain employed by a company with a staff full of idiotic d-bags that should be named Todd, have 5 0’clock shadow beards they trim to keep it looking like they didn’t shave, that wear medium shirts and a fedora in the summer, guys pissed that they peaked in high school, get no real respect from anyone while taking their life failure and baby dick angst out on others. Oh and Shelly? She’s a fucking slut. You know that mop in the janitor’s closet that reeks of shit and scrambled egg farts? It didn’t always smell like that. You don’t wanna know what I did to her with that, her idea not mine.
Colin your name isn’t cool and the fact you think your name is cool is a perfect reflection of your pitiful soul and existence. I don’t know how or why you got that raise but if I had to take a guess swallowing would be involved. You are by far the biggest piece of shit I’ve ever known. The fact you deserve so little and get so much enrages me and my hate for you is best reflected by Wilfred Brimley and the proper enunciation of diabetes. If you wake up one morning and feel like you’ve been beaten with a pillow case of door knobs and find a pillow case full of door knobs on the corner of your bed, it wasn’t me.
Dave? (Because I know your nosey no life having ass is reading this you fucktard) Remember the holiday party when your daughter Heather left early? Yeah there was no lock in at the church. There was a lock in of her jaw to blow myself, Jake, and Quincy. Do you know how much of a Snookie grade skank of a cock troll a bitch has to be go down on Quincy? It’s fucking Quincy.
In closing you seriously don’t wanna know about that cunt of a slut Shelly and that broom stick, if you’re gonna touch make sure you’ve got gloves on. Her sluttitude knows no bounds, hepatitis doesn’t have a face. Just a collage of idiots, sluts, and lazy assholes too cheap to buy a condom or have standards when it comes to the person/people they’re gettin’ stinky with (that probably work here).
Congratulate your stupidity because where it has not aided in your skills at life or supplied a reason to legitimately continue breathing or have thumbs. It has succeeded in perpetuating your lack of IQ, common sense, relevance, and killing what little hope I had left for mankind as a whole you fucking fuck.
(insert name here)