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January 16, 2013

Brian writes monologue jokes every day. “This is one of those days,” to misquote Fred Durst. You can find more at http://brianunderstands.tumblr.com and tell him he’s a muffin on Twitter @BrianLisi. Thank you.

A new poll indicates that a majority of Americans support increased gun control. Likewise, many said they support enforcing gun control laws by any means necessary, even guns.

In other gun control news, New York passed legislation focusing on assault rifles and high-capacity clips of ammunition. "Now people can't say I've only accomplished one thing," said Gov. Andrew Cuomo.

Lawmakers in the UK are preparing to decriminalize insults. Even the fat ones are on board.

The Atlantic's website has suspended an article "sponsored" by the Church of Scientology. Which follows their decision to also suspend their integrity.

During the Miss America contest, Miss Iowa said she doesn't believe marijuana “should be used for anything but recreational use and health care.” Harsh words for anyone who is forced to use it professionally and/or is not sick but hates weed.

Lance Armstrong reportedly admits to blood doping in an interview with Oprah Winfrey, set to premiere later this week. Oprah went easy on him though since it's not like he wrote a memoir that she picked for her book club and it turned out to be partly fictional and embarrassed Oprah.

Hillary Clinton will finally testify about the consulate attack in Benghazi on January 23. Interestingly, the last time this much hype surrounded a Clinton testimony, Hillary wasn't allowed to show emotion.

George Prescott Bush, the son of Jeb Bush, has already raised $1.2 million to possibly run for statewide office in Texas. Now to find a PR firm that will accept $1.2 million to make people ignore the fact that his name is George Prescott Bush.

A train in Stockholm derailed and crashed into a house after a cleaner tried driving it. Though it's possible he was hired to kill someone in the house.

Wal-Mart has pledged to hire any returning veteran who wants a job. Making this Wal-Mart's first public attack on the troops. Members of Congress applauded the gesture, especially because it'd mean veterans still wouldn't have decent health care.

Iran says it will make its own movie about the Iran hostage crisis in response to "Argo." Likewise, the Tea Party says it will make its own movie in response to "Django Unchained."