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June 21, 2017
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#7. He doesn't complain that you named him "Chance."

1. He puts his tongue in your mouth while licking your face.

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It’s normal for dogs to lick your face, but this classic move is played by every dog that’s trying to bone his owner. A quick, “accidental” french kiss from your french bulldog.


2. He brings you dead birds as presents.

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You call it a dead bird, your dog calls it an exciting new sex toy.


3. He makes a point to pant and salivate around you.

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It’s because he’s super turned on and wants to make out with you, and shows it in an almost cartoonish way.


4. Doesn’t pressure you to do anal.

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Doing butt stuff can be a sensitive subject, and if your dog hasn’t brought it up, it’s because Scraps loves you way too much to rock the boat with such a bold proposition.


5. He puts peanut butter on his balls.

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Dogs talk to each other, and they all know about those kids that trick their dogs to lick peanut butter off their balls. A dog in love will definitely flip this around and turn it into their most desperate act of love.


6. He sniffs other dogs’ butts.

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To your dog, sniffing a butt is the biggest way to say “hey, I like you.” If he’s sniffing dog butt in front of you, it’s because he wants you to see him sniffing dog butt. This is a petty move to try and make you jealous.


7. He shits outside.

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Anyone who’s had to learn exactly where it’s ok for them to poop knows that it takes a lot of patience and dedication to master toilet training. You know what else takes a lot of patience and dedication? Love, my friend.


8. He doesn’t complain that you named him “Chance.”

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If your parents named you and your twin “Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen” after watching Full House, you’d be just as pissed off as a dog being named after the lovable mutt from Homeward Bound: the Incredible Journey. If he hasn’t griped about it yet, it’s because he’s hoping for another shot at \#1 on this list.

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