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August 16, 2017

You see the swastika, you hear the chanting, and you start to wonder – might this gentleman be a Nazi?

You see the swastika flag, you hear the chanting, and you start to wonder – might this gentleman be a Nazi? Please, don’t jump to conclusions.Subtle tells like vocal racism might set off your sixth-sense ­– but judge not…lest YE be judged. Instead of them.

Here are the only ways to tell if someone is a Nazi:

1) Nazis annexed Poland, idiot. Is this guy annexing Poland? No? Didn’t think so. Think before you label someone next time.


2) Everyone knows that real Nazis have buried gold. Is this so called “national socialist” carrying a trowel and mopping his brow? Does he have mud on his hands? Did you even check?

3) Every Nazi was issued with a bread bag, or brotbeutel, as part of their uniform. Prior to throwing accusations around, please do this person the courtesy of confirming they have a brotbeutel before you slander them.


4) Nazis always wear a little helmet with a spike on top. This is canon. They’re not wearing a little helmet with a spike on top? Check your preconceptions, friend.

5) As the old rhyme goes “If they’re stepping like a goose, it’s a Nazi on the loose.” If this person is not lifting each leg high and straight in front of them as they walk, you need to have a word with yourself about judging others.

6) Ever seen Indiana Jones? Nazis go about on motorcycles and sidecars, and SOMETIMES just motorcycles. If they’re in a car, they’re not a Nazi. Bus, not a Nazi. Truck, not a Nazi.


7) A small moustache in the middle of the upper lip adorns the face of every single Nazi. No matter if they are expressing supremacist views through a megaphone and wearing a t-shirt with, “I’m a Nazi” on, if they don’t have a little moustache, then you need to take your bigoted ass elsewhere.

8) Actually, wait. They probably are a Nazi. Even without any of that other stuff. Just checking… Yep, they’re definitely a Nazi.