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2 Die Votes
Published July 09, 2012

Fresh off the opening weekend success of The Amazing Spider-Man, Sony Pictures has greenlit a remake, The Most Amazing Spider-Man.

"We had an opening in next summer's release dates," said Sony topper Amy Pascal. "And it suddenly hit us... Spider-Man! This property has been sitting dormant for almost six days. We think America is ready for a fresh take on it.”

Critics complain that it's too soon for a reboot-remake, but Pascal isn't fazed.

"Face it, we could show a picture of Spider-Man on a giant screen for two hours and all you nerds would pay fourteen bucks to see it. What do we have to lose?"

Not satisfied with the lack of nerdiness from previous Spideys, Andrew Garfield and Toby McGuire, inside sources say Sony has resorted to combing through bar mitzvahs in Scarsdale, NY to find their next web-slinger.

"I can promise you this," Pacal said, "our Spidey will have braces, weigh 110 pounds and be ten times the pussy Garfield was."