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June 22, 2012

Brian writes monologue jokes every day. This is one of those days. He may or may not be incarcerated. You can find more at http://brianunderstands.tumblr.com and tell him he’s a muffin on Twitter @BrianLisi. Thank you.

Reports have surfaced that Ann Romney was once sued for selling a horse that was drugged to hide its physical condition. That physical condition? Not being able to fit in a car elevator.

During the case, one expert said, “In my 38 years of practice, I have never come across a drug screen such as this where the horse has been administered so many different medications at the same time.” In her defense, how do you expect it to stay calm while you tie it to the roof of your car?

NBC is replacing Ann Curry on the "Today" show. Being that she's a journalist on TV, she will find out next week.

A star of the show "Swamp People" has been arrested for domestic violence. Police say it's unclear if his wife will press charges. However, maybe he wasn't hurting her at all, but rather, protecting her...

Retiring New York Rep. Gary Ackerman of New York said in an interview, "I think the people have gotten dumber." And he should know since when he was first elected, most people thought black people preferred getting rocks thrown at them on the way to school.

Regarding their spending, a Republican close to Romney's campaign said, "Our super PACs are our Star Wars, if you will." Adding, "Especially the whole 'making you watch while we kill everything you care about' part."

Two unions are inspecting the set of Lindsay Lohan's TV movie "Liz & Dick" after she tweeted she was exhausted because of long hours. Likewise, the FDA is on alert after she tweeted that Chipotle "tastes awesome but smells like b-hole."

Former KKK Grand Wizard David Duke has endorsed New York City Councilman Charles Barron, who is black, for Congress. Because if you really hate someone, where better to send them than Congress?

According to a survey on a website that connects women with rich men, female users said they'd pick Obama over Romney as their sugar daddy. They especially like how he's very good at plugging up large holes in state deficits.

Singer Bret Michaels has launched his own line of pet clothing. It's aimed at consumers who have wondered, how can I make my cat look like a bigger D-bag?

Playboy is looking into purchasing Dick Clark Productions. They say it's a done deal if they just drop the Clark.

The first episode of Bristol Palin's reality TV show received 726,000 viewers. But if she wanted to be famous, she would've gotten the show when she was still a single teenage mother.

Actress Emma Stone revealed she's suffered from panic attacks most her life. Much of her anxiety stemming from concerns that she's both too beautiful and has too much of a personality.