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July 13, 2012

Brian writes monologue jokes every day. You can find more at http://brianunderstands.tumblr.com and tell him he’s a muffin on Twitter @BrianLisi. Thank you.

Thanks to budget cuts, Naples, Italy has become infested with giant, red cockroaches. Said officials, "We've never seen American tourists this red before."

The Taliban launched an attack on Pakistani police, killing nine. In response, the Pakistani government criticized the Taliban for not killing 12.

A new report harshly criticizes Penn State for allowing Jerry Sandusky to abuse children for over a decade. It's a pretty young report though, so don't expect Penn State to listen to it.

Tom Cruise is suing the National Enquirer for libel over reports of how he treated ex-wife Katie Holmes and their daughter. Cruise said it was disgusting to say he had sex with either of them.

The euro hit a two-year low this week. Things have gotten so bad, it's just eating hot dogs straight out of the package.

A rare gene mutation appears to prevent Alzheimer's. You can read more about the findings in Lucky magazine.

Rep. Jesse Jackson Jr. is receiving treatment for a "mood disorder," according to his office. However, still no explanation on why his dad is such a dick.

Syria's ambassador to Iraq has reportedly defected, though Syria says he was fired. It's a classic "He Said, She Said Then Killed 50 Children While the World Looked On."

A new monthly service offers to deliver movies directly to your door, bypassing the mail. Asking your door to share the movie with you, that's your problem.

About 453,000 Yahoo user names and passwords were posted online Wednesday night by hackers. Yahoo has since apologized and promised to explain what happened to 453,000 grandmothers.

Actress Kristin Chenoweth was injured while filming when a piece of lighting equipment fell on her. Proving what scientists had said all along: Kristen Chenoweth has a magnetic smile.

Thanks to DNA testing, researches now believe the Americas were populated by three waves of migrants, not one. Even more interesting: how much the first wave resented the second and third for showing up.