Wait a minute … what month is it? WHAT???!!! Why didn’t anyone tell me it was Black History Month? Jesus, the month is almost over and I’m just now finding out? Wow guys! Wow.
As a black man, it’s important that I take February to honor my black forefathers. It’s my duty. And if I don’t remind all the white people in my office to watch Roots this month, who will?
When other holidays roll around, it seems like I hear about them months in advance. When it was Christmas, it was all I heard about! I had time to prepare. I bought gifts and put up decorations, but for Black History Month, I’m totally unprepared. My wife made me throw out all my decorations from last year. I’m sure all the party stores are sold out of MLK decorations. Am I supposed to make my own decorations? How does somebody even do that? I could maybe do something with some green and red towels … UGH
Normally, at the very least, there’s a CNN special or something. All I’ve seen are Republican debates. A bunch of white people screaming at each other about who’s more conservative. And the one black candidate barely talks. I can guarantee you that Ben Carson guy forgot it was Black History Month, too.
What’s with the media black out on this month-long holiday? I depend on the sweet sweet media to tell me what holidays to celebrate. I plant trees on Earth Day because no one will shut up about it. You know its Valentine’s Day because the stores are filled with candy.
Maybe we need to commercialize Black History Month in some way. I’m talking black roses, Hallmark cards that play old negro spirituals, and fist-shaped boxes of chocolate. If they moved Black Friday from November to February, it would be a great reminder for a guy like me.
It’s getting harder and harder every year to remember. I mean I got totally distracted by Grease: Live. But you can’t blame me, though? They had a live studio audience!!!!! Julianne Hough was amazing as Sandy and Carly Rae Jepsen and Vanessa Hudgens also took my breath away. Seriously, though, Grease: Live was a huge distraction. That one’s on me.
Last year, when I forgot, I just changed my Oscar party to a last-minute Black History–themed Oscar party. THAT IS NOT GOING TO WORK THIS YEAR. At least then we had Selma. This year, everybody’s been talking about The Revenant. No wonder I forgot, there isn’t a black person in sight in that movie. All I remember is big scary bears. If it was Bear History Month, great. But it’s not bear history month is it? IT IS! Why didn’t anyone tell me?!