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December 22, 2012

Oh Live Jasmin, how we hate thee...


An Ode to Live Jasmin

Oh Live Jasmin, how we hate thee....

....I don’t know one guy that actually likes you, Live Jasmin.  You and your shitty, red themed self, who so willingly pops up behind whatever porn site we are vehemently abusing.  You are the stripper at the local gentleman's club that nobody wants a lap dance from accept we don't feel sorry for you.  While we are trying to get funky with some free naughty america videos, you, Live Jasmin, are busy stealthily lurking behind our open windows, waiting to get us caught because we don’t even know that your busted-ass is there to begin with; ohhh you are a sneaky little miscreant.  Experienced porners know to keep a watchful eye out for you as soon as they’re done pleasing themselves raw.  That quick flash of the screen is the tell tale sign that you have infiltrated our lives, but we can easily miss you in the blink of an eye.  When we eventually find you behind the mess of pornhub windows on our desktops, you grace us with your presence by revealing some deflated, old trailer park wench with a scuzzy red dildo in her hand; we shed a tear for this dildo as if it were an abused schnauzer waiting to be euthanized in a gonorrhea infested gas chamber.  Live Jasmin, you make us shiver at the very thought of this disgusting diahrrea woman who mouths indistinguishable dirty talk to us through a webcam that she purchased before the dot-com bust.  Why the hell are you even called Live Jasmin.  You definitely aren’t live, and you have never once shown me a beautiful Indian woman flying around on a magic carpet, or any woman that could get my wiener even remotely hard for that matter.  Stop the bullshit and quit the games Live Jasmin.  We are sick of you invading our precious beat-off sessions with your filth and pointless presence.  Please let us watch redtube in peace and get the fuck out of our lives.