SCOOBY DOO AND THE WEINER GHOST!
By Michael Lake
( INSIDE THE MYSTERY MACHINE )
SHAGGY: So, like I was saying Scoob, it's called "peyote", but it's great because even the cops can't ...
FRED: What is it, Velma?
VELMA: I just received a new message on my myster-iPhone. Look at THIS!
DAPHNE: What IS it?
FRED: That, Daphne, is a wiener!
SHAGGY: Oh, boy! I LOVE wieners!
VELMA: Not that kind, Shag! LOOK!
DAPHNE: Jeepers. That's not just ANY wiener. That's a big one.
FRED: It sure is, Daphne! Trust me! I've seen a LOT of them!
DAPHNE: You have?
VELMA: The photos seem to be coming from somebody named "RepWeiner".
FRED: Well, gang, looks like we got a job to do!
FRED: Now, to find out who "RepWeiner" really IS!
(THEY TAKE THE SHOPPING BAG OFF HIS HEAD THAT HE WAS USING FOR AUTO EROTIC ASPHYXIATION)
FRED: Oh my! Member of Congress Anthony Weiner!
WEINER: Alright! Alright! You caught me!
VELMA: But what a minute. This appears to be another mask.
Let's find out who Anthony Weiner REALLY is!
WEINER: I am Anthony Weiner. That's my name. And that's not a mask or a wig. My face just looks like this.
VELMA: Your name is Weiner and you send people photos of your wiener...?
VELMA: Seems a little ... uninspired to me. Even a little obvious.
WEINER: Yes. Well, then. I would've gotten away with it too if it hadn't been for you meddling yet undeniably arousing kids!
FRED: Looks like we're going to kick you out of Congress!
VELMA: Well, let's not do anything too rash.
WEINER: Yes. I would rather resign on my own terms.
VELMA: Mr. Weiner, I was just curious WHO was tweeting me grainy photos of their wang. I never actually asked you to stop.
WEINER: You...don't want to me to stop?
VELMA: No! To be honest, I enjoyed all the attention for once.
WEINER: I will be honest, I didn't know you had a red-headed friend who was so shapely. Otherwise...
VELMA: Please feel free to send me photos anytime. They get me all Jinky.
WEINER: I'd love to, Velma. But I'm not sure my wife or the American people would approve of that! I'm afraid this is where we say goodbye!
VELMA: Ah, geez!
FRED: Look on the bright side, Velma. The world wide web is FULL of websites where you can find literally THOUSANDS of photos of the male anatomy! I can even recommend a few... ah... I mean...
VELMA: Wait! Check out this email I just got. I've been... I've been offered a scholarship at the University of New Mexico! Chris Garcia himself said I have the right "credentials"!
SHAGGY: HERE WE GO AGAIN!