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August 01, 2011

Contrary to popular belief, the language of "love" is not universal. What is universal is that dudes and ladies have had a lifelong struggle trying to communicate. Hopefully this will smooth some things out.

  1. When you ask questions like "what are you thinking about" and I say "nothing" 9 times out of 10 I really wasn't thinking about much. Honestly I was probably just zoning out or thinking about something really remedial like a funny video on youtube
  2. Just because I don't want to hang out with you sometimes doesn't mean I don't like you. The thing is, you aren't a videogame, you usually don't shotgun beers, I don't really want to rip farts around you, and I can't call you a weiner and get away with it. Sometimes I just want to act like a simple human. It's nothing personal 
  3. I think monthly anniversaries are silly. Why do we have to pay so much attention to every tick of time that we have been together? How about we just enjoy it and celebrate a milestone when its something significant. Plus, all of these anniversary gifts and such aren't economically friendly. It's a recession.
  4. If something is bothering you then say so. Don't send your best friend to interrogate me. Don't try to be "subtle" about it. Don't wait for some stretch of time to pass then blow up on me about it when I think we are about to do the horizontal mambo. Your best friend is annoying, "subtle" to you means nonexistent to me, and that last thing is just cruel.
  5. Going out to the club all the time isn't that fun to us. Going to the club for guys with girlfriends (or something like it) is like going to a buffet restaurant while on a diet. Better yet, going to the club is like taking your kids to Chuck-E-Cheese (CeC) when you are 55. When females go to the club (like kids at CeC) its like VIP treatment. You get in free and you get to drink (play wack-a-mole) for free! Needless to say it doesn't work that way for the fellas. That's no bueno. 
  6. When its "that time of the month" please give me a heads up. Simple. I don't want to get my head bitten off. 
  7. While I appreciate the fact that you are a 10 out of 10 as far as looks go, after a certain point I will lose interest in you if you converse like a middle schooler or if you think being attractive gives you the right to act like a...jerk. I would much rather do something fun than sit around and listen to you talk about your shoes and that girl at work you can't stand. 
  8. Just because I have a lot of female friends that doesn't necessarily mean that I am a "dog" or a "player" or some sort of "man-dingo". Can I live?  
  9. We forget things sometimes. Sometimes we forget more than we ought to but don't take it personal. The solution is to give reminders of important/special dates instead of just waiting for us to forget then getting mad about it.
  10. Contrary to what you may think, "putting Percy in the Playpen" isn't the only thing I think about and if you are really ready to make that happen after only a hangout or two, I probably don't think too much of you. If you can beat a videogame in only a couple hours, it probably isn't that cool. The same usually applies for ladies. Humor me with something substantial from time to time.