Full Credits

Written by Seth Morris

Stats & Data

January 12, 2009

PeanutButter.jpgOhhhhh maaan. I really did it this time man! I have really pulled a lot of bone headed stunts in my day but this one beat's 'em all. I can't believe I made those people sick! I didn't know I had salmonela man! I did not want that to happen. At all! You know me , I'm about making people happy. I make little kids happy when they get to have me with jelly and bread……I make everyone happy when you bake me in cookies…..and I make stoners happy when they get high and feed me to their dog. I didn't mean to make anyone sick man!

This is worse than the time I accidently choked that kid when he rolled me up in a tortilla…..word to the wise; peanut butter burritos do NOT exist.
2009 is lookin' to be  a real turd of year. Crap! Just when the whole peanut allergy stuff died down…THIS comes along.

Jeez ….I feel like a reeaaal jerk. Some poor guy comes home from work after  a hard day, he just wants to watch some Forensic Files, pour a glass of cold milk, and spread some of the ol' nut mash on crackers ….next thing you know he's got it commin' outta both ends fearing he might poop and throw-up himself do death and his wife is like "Are you doing drugs again?!" and the dude is like "Fuck you! This is real!" And it's all because of his old "buddy" Peanut Butter. Some friend I am man. Some friend I am.

You can bet I'm gonna hear about this from the other butters too. Yup, I bet Cashew has his speech prepared all ready man. Damn it! Brazil Nut will be cool I bet. Almond won't care….she's so mellow….but Cashew is really gonna tear into me. Shiiiiiit! But you know what? Fuck Cashew butter any way! Who does he think he is? I was so cool to him when he first came around I bet-Oh no. Ohhh shiiiit maan. Forget about Cashew butter layin' into me, you know who's really gonna let me have it? Butter Butter! Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn!