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via Starbucks

Starbucks released six new Frappuccino flavors today to celebrate the frozen drink’s 20th anniversary. The flavors — Red Velvet, Lemon Bar, Caramel Cocoa Clutter, Cotton Candy, Cupcake, and Cinnamon Roll — will be available in stores nationwide for a limited time.

To join in on the celebration, we’ve outlined below what your new favorite Starbucks Frappuccino says about you!


Red Velvet Cake

This tasty delight combines mocha sauce, raspberry syrup, vanilla syrup, and Frappuccino chips to give you your favorite dessert in liquid form. Mmm! Mocha sauce! If this is your favorite of the new flavors, you’re someone who likes to mix things up. Dessert BEFORE dinner. An adventurer if you will! But be careful, because if you live you life taking too many risks, like drinking more than half a Red Velvet Frappuccino, you’ll probably end up in the hospital for cardiovascular disease, you daredevil!


Lemon Bar

Yum, yum, yum! This sweet treat is definitely the tamest of the new flavors introduced, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t special, just like you! You thrive in orderly environments and enjoy following the rules, which is perfect for when you are undoubtedly bedridden in a hospital because you’ve given your body no nutrients for years.


Caramel Cocoa Cluster

Slow down! You have a million things going on at once if this is the Frappuccino flavor you’ve chosen as your favorite. You’re a multitasker and always trying to start up a gazillion projects. Everyone loves you for it, but remember to take time for yourself. You’ll need to, especially, when you’ve only got one last chance to get your diet on track or you’ll end up dead. And c'mon, you knew you had a family history of type 2 diabetes, you rascal!


Cotton Candy

If Cotton Candy is your favorite flavor, you’re going to die after you get hit by a bus walking out of your local ‘Bucks.


Cupcake

How cute! You love the simple and kind things in life. A stranger’s smile makes your day and you’re appreciative of the little moments most people don’t notice. However, what you might be missing are the giant red flags of exhaustion, irritable skin, bad breath, and brittle nails, indicating that your body is breaking itself down every time you drink something that is cupcake flavored.


Cinnamon Roll

You’re a mystery aren’t you? If you chose the Cinnamon Roll Frappuccino as you’re favorite limited-time flavor, you keep your cards close and that may intimate some people. Once they get to know you, however, they’ll see you’re a loving person with a big heart, a heart working so hard to keep your degenerative body alive. Please for the love of your family and friends, just drink coffee and maybe eat an apple.


There you have it! Which flavor of Starbucks Frappuccino death are you? Let us know in the comments!

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