Full Credits

Stats & Data

April 03, 2012

No more Martinis for James Bond. They have decided to sell him to Heineken and make him their ad man. Here's some reasons why that's a bad idea.

The James Bond producers have decided to cave into marketing ploys and turn Bond into an Ad man for their next movie "Skyfall". Instead of ordering his usual martini he will be drinking "Heineken".

I'm sorry but things change when Bond starts drinking Beer.

Here are a few examples.

A cool, suave, tuxedo wearing, "MARTINI" drinking Bond will walk up to the roulette table and place one chip down on a number and hit it three times in a row. He will then toss all his winnings to a bunch of poor kids on the streets.

A beer drinking Bond looks for loose change in his pockets for one last pull of the slot machine, and then punches the screen screaming "motherf%$ker" when he loses.

A Martini drinking Bond can walk up to any woman in a bar and have her out of her panties before she has a chance to say HI.

A beer drinking Bond uses cheap pick up lines and ends up taking home the one girl left at the bar at 4AM. These girls smell like cigarettes and schnapps and usually have tattoos that say "Up for anything" on the back of their necks.

A Martini drinking Bond drives the latest state of the art concept car from Aston Martin. It can do 0 to 100 in under 2 seconds and has a Genital massager.

A beer drinking Bond drives a rust colored pick up that keeps running for a few seconds after you take the keys out of the ignition.

A martini drinking Bond can jump out of plane-- with no parachute-- do a Triple Lindy, and land in a pillow factory(filled with super hot bikini wearing line workers).

A beer drinking Bond twists his ankle jumping down from a step stool.

A martini drinking Bond can take on five world class mixed martial artists and walk away without a bruise or scratch. He will also do this while saying very clever things to them WHILE fighting.

A beer drinking Bond doesn't actually fight but sticks his chest out and antagonizes until people start holding him back. Then he pretends like he's trying to break free from them and starts screaming and acting REALLY tough.