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Published August 25, 2013 More Info »
2 Funny Votes
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Published August 25, 2013

Last week I decided to start running. For excercise, not anywhere in particular. I live a block away from a New Balance store so I thought it would be a good idea to walk down there and grab a cheap pair of running shoes. Bad idea. As I entered the store I was approached by a shorter goateed man who was sporting an exotic pair of New Balances that had achieved a level of whiteness that only Wayne Brady has seen (12 yr old reference). It looked as though he was wearing two of Gary Buseys teeth on his feet (Somewhat more recent reference). His shoes looked like they had just left a Klan rally (racist reference). When he got within an uncomfortable talking distance from me he asked, “What are we lookin for today?”. Great question. “I’m lookin for a screen door for my porch and an economy size box of condoms", I retorted.  If I walk into a store that only sells shoes, and you ask me what I’m there to purchase, this is the response you get. He didn’t get it. I eventually told him that I was there to buy, wait for it…..shoes. He excitedly responded that he could help me with that. No need. I don’t need help. I’m 30 years old. I know my shoe size. I’ve purchased shoes before. I know how to tie laces. I have the entire process that goes into buying and wearing shoes covered. I also don’t need style tips from a guy who looks like he just curb stomped Frosty. He decided to follow me around anyway, telling me the names of shoes as I grabbed them off the shelf. Since I’m not rude and easily annoyed, I decided to just leave. The stares that I receive running down Lake Shore Drive in Cole Haan chukkas is well worth it. -TK

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