After the latest 4th Quarter comeback, NBA Commissioner David Stern had a few words to the media about some changes he would like to be seen adopted by the NBA. No, I’m not talking about Stern’s bizarre obsession to implement international goaltending rules, although he did speak about that issue at length once again after the game.
Rather, Stern also spoke about changing the format of a NBA game. Instead of having 4 quarters of 12 minutes each, Stern proposes to just have the 4th Quarter citing that “it turns out the first 3 quarters are irrelevant, so why waste everyone’s time?” Stern is quick to note that he isn’t going to make less NBA basketball available, rather when a team plays, they will play 4 games that night of just the 4th Quarter during the new “brisk and sexy” 328 game season.
When a reporter is even quicker to note that then Playoff series wouldn’t work under the same logic because it would be an even number, best of 28 games, Stern sternly responds “then we’ll make it best of 29. Christ, you stat guys are annoying. No wait, we’ll just have one 4th Quarter game and it will be bigger than the darn Super Bowl. Everyone will cheer! And that will shut up (NBA Deputy Commissioner) Adam Silver, who thinks he’s hot you know what because he gets a better reception than me at the NBA Draft”
Here are some of the arguments Stern made about just playing a 4th Quarter in a slideshow he presented:
-“Sick of watching some scrub from a country you didn’t even know existed going 0 for 4 from the free throw line in the 2nd Quarter? Well, only the best players play in the 4th Quarter.”
-“You watched ‘The Decision’ for 35 minutes (the approximate real-time length of a Stern game), why not actually watch LeBron holding and doing stuff with a basketball during that time frame?”
-“If my recent memory serves me correct, the team that is winning the first 3 quarters loses about 75% of the time. That’s just a big, mean tease. Like watching a Helen Mirren movie where she doesn’t disrobe, I know I’m in the majority with that one.”
- “I just got “Showtime Network,” and it’s like HBO but zanier, so I’d rather watch one quick game and then have time to watch ‘Shameless’. Which I am leaving you now to do.”
With that, Stern left American Airlines Arena with a nod of the head and a flipping of the bird.