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Published January 23, 2012

Do you love playing drinking games but don't have any friends because everyone hates you? Here’s a fun drinking game that you can play all by yourself. Read the rules, play the game, and be your own best drinking buddy!

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SUPPLIES
One liter of vodka

RULES

1. Liquor Store If you have to pay for the bottle of vodka with a credit card because you spent the last of your unemployment check on some Twizzlers for dinner, take one drink!
2. The Car

If your car has a ticket on the windshield, take two drinks!

3. Home  If you get to your house and reflect on how living alone means you could die and nobody would find your body for days or weeks, take one drink!
4. Never Have I Ever

Reveal embarrassing personal anecdotes about yourself, like how you still have wet dreams or how you used to sneak into your mom’s room and smell her socks. Whenever you feel ashamed of yourself take one drink!

5. Depression

If you slide into a crippling depression, crawl into a ball on the floor, and tell the floor it’s your new best friend, take two drinks!

6. Crying

If you start to cry because of the deep regrets you have about not asking Sally Leatherwood to the Homecoming dance before that asshole Curt Hayes swooped in, take three drinks!

7. Shower

If you wash off the tears by taking a fully-clothed shower, take one drink!

8. Dad

If you call your dad to yell at him about how it’s his fault you don’t understand how to love, take two drinks! If your dad is also drinking when you call him, take a bonus drink!

9. Sweating

If you start sweating and shivering uncontrollably, and you lick your sweat and it tastes like vodka, and that tastes good to you so you keep licking, take one drink!

10. Ex-Girlfriend

If you call your ex-girlfriend and quietly sob into the phone, and she recognizes the sobbing as you because you have done this many times before, take one drink!

11. Death

If you no longer fear death, and in some ways think that death would solve a lot of the problems you have in life, take one drink!

12. Neighbors

If you stumble into your neighbors yard, naked, and start shouting obscenities at their dog, take two drinks!

13. Waterfall

If the cops pull up to arrest you and you tell them they don’t know you and that you can’t go to jail because you’re a pretty boy, chug the rest of the bottle! Waterfall!

Follow me on twitter @mattingebretson

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