Last night, Fox News had the remaining GOP presidential candidates gather at podiums in what looked like a debate. However, we should be hesitant to call it that because it lacked any intellectual discourse whatsoever. My best guess was that it was a poorly organized roast of Donald Trump?
The crowd was warmed up from the opening act earlier in the day, Mitt Romney, who warned that Trump was very dangerous for the future of America. His act wasn’t stocked with great jokes, but that’s okay, Mitt Romney isn’t really great at anything.
Big ups to moderator George Wallace who started strong and really dug into how much of a fucking liar Donald Trump is. And what better way to roast someone of their deceitful ways than to catch them in the act on stage. Tactics like that support exactly why Wallace was a roast moderator. He’s a total pro.
Right by Wallace’s side was roast queen of the year, noted woman Megyn Kelly, going off on Trump’s eponymous university, that has flunked all examinations and is being sued for being a scam. Unfortunately, the last laugh for that joke goes to Trump after he’s scammed all of those poors!
It’s crispy warm at this roast! But to make sure that Trump was really cooked well-done, something that can be hard to determine when the slab of meat is already such a leathery color and texture, Marco Rubio tagged onto Ted Cruz’s trolling and cracked a few hot jokes.
Like the end to all good roasts, Trump had the chance to defend himself. He didn’t stick to the criticisms of his policy as much as Rubio’s suggestion that his dick wasn’t huge. Don’t worry Donald, we all know you’re a huge dick.
Weird that we’re talking about Hitler’s dick AGAIN in such a short amount of time, but nevertheless, the debate truly ended with everyone agreeing that they’re actually really all bff and that the true enemy is a woman.