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Published February 02, 2012 More Info »
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Published February 02, 2012

The Universal Guy Code is extensive. Somewhere on the list there is a rule about how you must know at least two ways of tieing a neck tie. But here, I've listed out the top 20, most important codes that all men must follow. 

 

Rule #1: Unless at a crowded sporting event, Thou shall not use the urinal directly next to another guy.

 

Rule #2: Thou must be prepared to talk sports at all times with another dude. Have something to say about Football, Basketball, Hockey, and Baseball.

 

Rule #3: Contrary to popular belief, thou may shake it more than twice. But if thou shakes it more than three time, thou hast been playing with it.

 

Rule #4: Thou shall not share what thou jerks off to.

 

Rule #5: When drinking, thou shall not order a mixed drink unless its main ingredient is Scotch.

 

Rule #6: Thou shall not wear tighter jeans than thous girlfriend.

 

Rule #7: When thou knows another man for more than 24 hours, courting any woman presently in his life or in the past requires authorization from him.

 

Rule #8: When talking to a man’s significant other, claim ignorance on all accounts.

 

Rule #9: When an attractive woman begins talking to a man that thou hast known for more than 24 hours, thou art required to bring up something interesting about the man.

 

Rule #10: Thou shall not be the primary owner of a dog that weighs less than 30lbs fully grown.

 

Rule #11: Thou shall not be the primary owner of any cats.

 

Rule #12: If a fight with any man gets physical, the testicles are totally off limits.

 

Rule #13: Thou art only required to hold low level sports conversations with thy girlfriend’s friends’ boyfriends. It is understood that neither of you want to be there.

 

Rule #14: “I miss you” should never come out of thy mouth when speaking to another man. “We miss you” is allowed only when a close group of friends is trying to pull an overly depressed member of the group out of hiding.

 

Rule #15: When picking teams, thou is permitted to skip over thy friend in favor of a better athlete but thou is not to allow thy friend to be picked last.

 

Rule #16: A head nod to another man is a suitable sign of recognition. Smiles and hand waves in which the arm is lifted and the hand moves are not.

 

Rule #17: Thou shall never own whitey tighties.

 

Rule #18: Thou hast a 50% exaggeration allowance when conversing with fellow man. Anything more can be called Bull Shit. When conversing with women, the exaggeration allowance is 400%.


Rule #19: Thou hast a 50% exaggeration allowance when conversing with fellow man. Anything more can be called Bull Shit. When conversing with women, the exaggeration allowance is 400%.


Rule #19: Thou must allow a friend to borrow anything you own with no notice excluding anything you are presently using, women, and anything with superstitious qualities.

 

Rule #20: If at any point thou realizes that thou hast done something somewhat homo, take up to a two minute time out by leaving the room and never speak of it again.

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