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April 03, 2012

My personal questions to the writers of Smash. What's up with these fools?

To the Writers of Smash,

I’ve been watching your show since the first episode and I felt compelled to write you and share some of the questions I find myself asking every week. The show basically revolves around a group of Theater people (actors, directors, writers, producers) in NYC trying to get a show about Marilyn Monroe to Broadway. I'm not quite sold.  I have some questions:

1.  What ethnicity is Karen’s Boyfriend, and why is he wearing eye liner?

2.  Why is Karen’s mom not in more of the show?  Was I the only one who recognized that she is Becky Ann Baker, non other than Jean Weir from Freaks and Geeks? Bitch needs more screen time.

3.  Who does Deborah Messing’s wardrobe?  She’s the queen of long necklaces and HUGE sweaters.

4.  Did you really think it was appropriate on the second episode to have a montage?  There was literally about 90 minutes total that your show had been on TV.  Too soon.

5.  Are we seriously supposed to believe that a hot girl living in New York City would have sex with Ellis?

6.  Why does Karen only have fugly friends when she goes home?  Is that why you had them sing “Redneck Woman”?  Ick.

7.  Nick Jonas?

8.  Not even Joe Jonas?

9.  How can Ivy afford a Zac Posen dress and many a Marc Jacobs accessory?  You’ve made it very clear that she isn’t a star.

10.  Is Karen always nervous?

11.  When Julia and Michael are eating pie, does Julia know that you don’t eat food with your hands?

12.  Is Derek a woman and always on his period?

13.  Does Michael only sing his true emotion to Julia?  The workshop, the street.

14.  Are you trying to make the Ivy Marilyn parallel painfully obvious?

15.  Are the set designers trying to make it look like Ivy is a 10 year old?  What’s with her bedroom?

16.  Did you ice freeze Burnadette Peter's face?

17.  Are all bowling allies in Brooklyn filled with musical theater majors that can’t let go of their college friends?

18.  Are people still freaked out by gay republicans?

19.  Why would you make Tom the kind of guy that over pronounces Sauvignon Blanc?

20.  Why wouldn’t the costume designer from heaven on earth ask Ivy to take off her angel costume before drunkenly wandering around Time Square?

So, I get that my questions are a bit insulting to your profession, and I understand that you can’t go back and re write all of your past episodes.  But maybe you can take my raised questions into consideration while you continue on with the show, just in case there are people like me that would appreciate some well rounded characters and some joyous musical numbers that don’t include a dude from One Republic.

Thanks guys!

Ellen Williams