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January 09, 2013

Brian writes monologue jokes every day. “This is one of those days,” to misquote Fred Durst. You can find more at http://brianunderstands.tumblr.com and tell him he’s a muffin on Twitter @BrianLisi. Thank you.

In Australia, McDonald's will temporarily re-name some stores "Macca's," the Australian nickname for the chain. Likewise, in North Korea, all McDonald's will be known as Just A Beautiful Dream.

Google is offering free wifi in New York City's Chelsea neighborhood. New Yorkers have responded by pretending not to notice the wifi and walking right past it.

Taylor Swift has broken up with boyfriend Harry Styles. The public has reacted by saying they hope she, a musician, doesn't do something awful like use her pain to be creative.

David R. Ellis, the director of Snakes On a Plane," has died. Or as Samuel L. Jackson put it, "DAVID R. ELLIS, THE DIRECTOR OF 'SNAKES ON A PLANE,' HAS DIED!"

Researchers have captured the world's first live images of a giant squid. The giant squid is upset over the footage, claiming he never inked any contract.

AIG is considering suing the government because the terms of their bailout deal may have been unfair. The government responded by asking AIG if they would accept a large settlement instead.

A spiritual guru in India is being criticized for saying a 23-year-old student who was recently raped and killed was partly to blame. People are outraged over the remarks, as well as finding out there are Republicans in India.

David Bowie released his first new song in 10 years on Tuesday. Why the wait? It makes a lot of jokes about 9/11.

Authorities are investigating the case of a Chicago scratch-off lottery winner who died from cyanide poisoning. And because half of him was missing, police are investigating the state.

In China, a father hired high-level online gamers to kill his son to get him to stop playing videogames. Which is also what I'll be imagining every time a 12-year-old kills me in "Call of Duty."

The Associated Press ran its first-ever sponsored tweet this week for Samsung. Samsung perhaps best known for making devices on which you can read about the death of journalism.