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March 01, 2016
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Hold on just a second, it's March now?


Human Woman
Can’t Believe It’s Already March

Today as I woke up and looked at my bedside wall calendar, I found myself asking, hold on just a second, does that say March? As in, the third month of the year? So soon? Picture this: here I am, still writing 2015 on some of my checks — not all of them, mind you, I’m not a total numbnuts — and we’re already totally, completely done with February? All of a sudden, everyone’s agreed to just cavalierly move along to the next stage of our year? I’ve gotta be missing something.

If today is March, how long before it’s April then? 31 days? Uh, yeah right! I don’t believe that for a second. April couldn’t possibly be in 31 days because I don’t see how today could be March already. It’s gotta still be February, okay? Look outside — it’s still kinda cold out. That’s not March! Did somebody rip the Feb page off my wall cal or something, as a goof? And then did they reprogram my smart phone, as well as my digital watch that says the date on it? What a sick thing to do. Anyways, listen, if it was really March already, I would be the first to know it! It’s just that I don’t see a world in which today could possibly be March. That would mean time is moving very fast.

What’s that? Time flies, you say? Don’t forget the second half of that phrase: when you’re having fun. And I haven’t had a drop of fun since last year. Can someone explain to me how it’s already March then? If I haven’t been having fun? If I’ve just been working mostly, and sleeping sometimes? The phrase isn’t, “Time flies when you’re working mostly, and sleeping sometimes.” Time couldn’t have moved this fast, if we’re taking the level of fun I’ve been having into consideration.

I guess what I mean to say is, all this means that it can’t be March yet. I’m sorry for the false alarm, I have found the February page of my wall calendar in the trash and am taping it back up with some scotch tape I found, and I will talk to you all again, in a few weeks, when I believe it will actually literally be March.

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