Dekalb, Illinois. The championship match is set to go underway for the W.B.M. Title (World’s Best Mother)
Chad Freme, head of the WFFFA (Women’s Free Form Fighting Association) addressed the media saying, ‘this will put to the rest once and for all, the claim that every boy has the greatest mother in the world. Once we crown a champion, they will hold that title for 3 months until we re-open the challenger bracket to top bracketed contenders’.
The Best Mother in the World Tournament was started as a joint operation between the WFFFA and the local boy’s and girl’s club, after repeated incidents of children getting into vicious fights over who had the better mother. Mr. Freme met with the local Boy’s and Girl’s club last spring at the nearby Dunkin’ Donuts to devise a way to put this claim to rest once and for all. “It was for the kids, plain and simple. We needed a way to keep them from fighting. And we figured a bare knuckle boxing tournament with their mothers was the way to go. This way they can go about their day, knowing whose mother is truly the best and not get into anymore scuffles’.
The tournament started up last month with an initial field of 64 mothers, all winners in their regional brackets, spanning from Portland, Oregon to Copenhagen, Denmark. It has been a extremely bloody and violent contest and Mr. Freme went on to describe the brutal and intense nature of this tournament. “We’ve seen quite a lot of bloodshed these past couple of days. These mothers have a lot of pride and don’t back down easily. They really take this best mother thing quite seriously.’ With four causalities so far and nearly three times as many severe injuries, this WFFFA tournament is by far the bloodiest one in recent memory.
‘But it’s all for the kids’, Mr. Freme went on to add, ‘and this final match is actually quite a momentous occasion. Given the significance of this title, the final match will be extremely violent’. In fact, this final match between Helga Strudez of Hamsburg, Germany and Debra Stevens, home town hero here in Dekalb, and something of a celebrity, will be a no holds barred cage match where a winner will not be crowned until the opponent is declared deceased by the ringside celebrity referee, who is none other than famed TV legend, Tom Selleck.
Neither Helga or Debra were available for comment, but each of their respective trainers told us that quote, ‘[They] are ready to kick that bitch’s teeth in. No way is she a better mother than me!’.
Helga Strudez and Debra Stevens are set to touch gloves tomorrow 3 pm CT. The fight will be broadcast on local AM 720 for the Dekalb residents, out of towners can catch a re-cap once it has been uploaded to the WFFFA website, by Henry the intern.