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March 16, 2015

Ever wonder how the rich and famous spent their St. Patrick's Day? How about Michael Flatley? Daniel Day-Lewis? Liam Neeson? Bono from U2? Sexy Colin Farrell? Handsome Pierce Brosnan? Quirky Sinéad O'Connor? Creative Enya? Scottish Ewan McGregor? Chris O'Dowd? If not, please ignore. If so, check it out!

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Michael Flatley

He spends it with your mother. Trust us, you probably have forgotten all about Michael Flatley and the way he can last hours upon hours passionately pounding the stage with his fancy tap shoes while sweat rolls down his barely hairy chest into the waistline of his leather pants, but your mother hasn’t.

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Daniel Day-Lewis

Daniel doesn’t enjoy the taste of his St. Patrick’s Day meal through his own sense of taste, smell, sight,or touch. No, no. Rather, over the course of the last decade, he has studied the reaction everyone else has as we devour our wonderfully textured corned beef and cabbage and warm potatoes, all drowned down to our bellies with crisp, cold, smooth Guinness. After he has completed eating his meal he believes so much that we’ve enjoyed our meal, that he does too. All of this is followed with a Oscar for dessert.

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Colin Farrell

Spends the whole day wondering what Ryan Gosling is doing to celebrate St.Patrick’s Day and if everyone thinks that’s cooler, hipper, and sexier than what he’s doing. Only four years his elder, Colin is fully aware that the world quickly got over his sexiness and has filled their primal urges with Ryan Gosling. To end the day, Colin eats his corned beef while he cries, making an already extraordinarily salty meat even saltier as his tears run into his mouth with each bite.

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Liam Neeson

Neeson used to love this holiday and celebrated by attending some of the largest St.Patrick’s Day parades throughout the world. Unfortunately, Liam has been having a very difficult time distinguishing fiction from reality and doesn’t do well in crowds, often grabbing and strangling complete strangers and yelling lines that would make sense only for his character, Bryan Mills, from the Taken series.

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Bono’s had it rough as of late. We’ve learned that his flashy shades aren’t a fashion statement, but actually function to protect his eyes as he has a bad case of glaucoma. He was also recently in a terrible bicycle accident, suffering several fractures, leaving it unknown as to whether or not he’ll be able to play guitar again. We’re going to leave this one alone. We hope you have a Beautiful Day as we know your luck has been Bad recently, so it’s with great Pride, that we wish you the opposite of a Sunday Bloody Sunday, and that all others who celebrate St.Patrick’s Day, With or Without You,have the great Desire to make this holiday even better than New Year’s Day, and party so hard to make this One a memory to last forever. Ugh, fitting Where The Streets Have No Name was too tough.

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Pierce Brosnan

Every St. Patrick’s Day, Pierce and the ol’ gang comprised of Sean Connery, Daniel Craig, and Roger Moore get together for some great traditional Irish food and a game of poker. They invite Timothy Dalton as their chef since he only got the pleasure of playing James Bond in two movies and needs the money, but each year everyone refuses to even touch the food in fear that another Bond has poisoned it. They also invite George Lazenby to be the dealer, oftentimes tipping him more than the pot they win, because he retired after only one role as Bond and they feel sorry for the lil’ bitch.

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Sinéad O'Connor

Sinéad likes to pay respect to Saint Patrick by lighting a candle and shouting “Fight the real enemy!” as she rips up an 8 ½" x 11" paper printout of Miley Cyrus.

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Who can say how Enya celebrates? How she pays respect, only time. And who can say if she masticates, loves taters and steaks, only time. (Repeat 3,000x or until you become sick of hearing this. Whichever takes longer).

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Ewan McGregor

We’ve JUST learned he’s actually Scottish. Too lazy to take him out of this list after we’ve already added his picture, made the title, added this text box, etc. Appreciate your understanding.

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Chris O'Dowd

How Chris O'Dowd spends his St.Patrick’s Day is as big of a mystery to us as how he gets away with his shitty English/Irish back-and-forth accent in his roles.