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October 29, 2012

With the absence of Eva Longoria, NY Jets announced there is no reason to continue playing Mark Sanchez.


New York — The New York Jets said that they would be benching Mark Sanchez this week after he and his girlfriend Eva Longoria ended their 4 month relationship.  Sanchez has been struggling this season to make plays and win games; however, thats not why he is being benched.  A source close to Jets management said that they were benching Sanchez because he made the biggest fumble of his life — not doing enough to make Eva happy.

“Eva had this smile and laugh that made you feel good even though her boyfriend was ruining any shot we had at a playoff run,” said Jets owner Woody Johnson, adding “She had become the heart and soul of this team.”

It is no secret that Sanchez has stunk up the field this year mixing bad plays with undisciplined decisions, yet the Jets continued to play Sanchez because they thought Eva would never leave him as long as he was the starting quarterback.  Unfortunately, the decision makers were unaware that Sanchez apparently sucked worse as a boyfriend than as a football player.

Coach Rex Ryan stated that when Eva was around you didn’t realize how awful Sanchez actually was.  Ryan also added, “although he’s [Sanchez] a horrible quarterback who has single handily ruined our season, it hurts to know that he may have upset Eva.”

News of the breakup not only rocked the Jets front office, the team has also become dishearten.

“Eva is really hot, and everybody on the team loves her,” stated wide reciever, Jeremy Kerley.  “We all thought that her and Mark made the perfect couple, it sucks that we are going to lose her, but hey, at least now we may win a few games.”

Teabow will get the starting job on Sunday, and luckily for the Jets, there is hope for their season after all — Teabow is currently in courtship negotiations with Eva.