Full Credits

Stats & Data

9Funny
0Die
233
Views
August 13, 2017
Published
Description

A confession from a definitely not racist person (again, not racist)

A confession from a definitely not racist person (again, not racist)


Dear snowflakes (especially the very sad/dumb J.K Rowling),

I am not racist. I’m just a regular old (white) guy who enjoys the classics: whether that’s holding the door open for a lady or denying minorities fundamental rights.

Ok, get off your high Tesla. You and me, we’re not so different. We have hobbies — you like to go to concerts, I like to make a nice DIY torch and march in the name of white supremacy. We both have heroes — you look up to Michael Jordan, I’m partial to Hitler. Yes, I know he didn’t win any NBA finals lol. We even probably share interests — like drinking water, for example.

Look we’re already finding common ground.

Besides the fact that you’re a good person and work harder than me and are nicer and are probably better at mostly everything and definitely better at making people orgasm, we’re basically the same.

So, please stop using the “R” word. Please stop being so quick to label me. I’m not racist, I just hate everyone who doesn’t look like me or think like me and I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure they are vanished from this Earth. If wanting a planet full of white people with the same terrible haircut is racist then ok lol yeah I guess I’m “racist.” Sue me (don’t).

Yes, I have a tattoo of a swastika. Yes, the wallpaper in my room is just repeated pictures of Steve Bannon’s face. Yes, I spent my weekend knitting a confederate flag quilt. What’s your point? I put on my KKK robe one arm at a time just like everyone else. Is there anything racist about that? This is the single biggest witch hunt in history.

Side note: why do people always talk about toxic masculinity around me? Should I google that?

“I am happy to make money. I want to make more money, make more music, eat Big Macs and drink Budweisers”

— Kid Rock, Future President

Man, I fucking love Kid Rock.

Economic anxiety economic anxiety economic anxiety economic anxiety economic anxiety economic anxiety economic anxiety economic anxiety economic anxiety economic anxiety economic anxiety economic anxiety economic anxiety economic anxiety economic anxiety economic anxiety economic anxiety economic anxiety economic anxiety economic anxiety economic anxiety!!!!!!!!!!!!

The truth is, I’ve never had to face any real adversity in my life. Unless you count when Friends ended. I just know I could so easily be replaced and I’m more fragile than IKEA furniture and I want to keep my power #2fragile2furious

I have a very sad life.

sdfkjsdflksdlfsdfljsdklfjdkfjsdfkjsdf

Oops sorry about that ^, accidentally dropped my copy of David Duke’s “Jewish Supremacism: My Awakening to the Jewish Question” on the keyboard. Not racist though. Ha. Just heard it was a good read. But out of curiosity, what do you think of Jews? Email me at WhitePplForever22@aol.com.

Ok ok I know what you’re going to say, but that’s an old email. I just don’t want to have to change it and lose messages and stuff, ya know?

Hey do you guys think I should buy this tank?

Screen Shot 2017-08-13 at 2.54.34 PM.png

sick tank

This might sound weird too but I prefer white chocolate over dark chocol..Ohhhhhh alright hmm yes now I see what you’re saying.

Yeah, I’m definitely racist.

I’m a huge fucking racist. Like I’m the biggest piece of shit to walk this earth. Why can’t I just let other people live their lives? Why is my heart so filled with hate? Is this why I don’t have any friends? Is this why I’ve never felt love before? Is this why people never text me back even though I see they’re posting on social media? I have a v bad life and therefore have to go out of my way to ruin life for others. Shoutout Trump though, love your vague statements.

Advertisement