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July 31, 2012

Fan fiction has become a very popular source of storytelling, but has also become a common source of physical illness, if done poorly. Below are symptoms one might experience if reading terrible fan fiction

Sore stomach:  Noted as the most common side effect, this ailment is associated with stabbing motions to the abdomen as a way of saying “just kill me now, this sucks!”  The contact of object to skin is generally by accident.

Carpal tunnel syndrome: This frequently occurs when one spends many hours on the computer looking for good content.  This can take anywhere from 5-17 hours on a good day.

Headaches or Migraines: Often attributed to shoving one’s head inside a door and slamming it repeatedly on oneself.  The individual is often looking to remove the memory of bad writing. Note: Nose bleeds are known to accompany this infliction.

Fatigue or drowsiness:  Occurs from blood loss as noted in the above section titled “Headaches and Migraines”.  This can also occur when one has taken a sedative to prevent the next section.

Hair loss:  As the individual reads through stories, they pull out patches of hair, enraged by the lack of quality.  Common places to lose hair are:  Head, legs, toes, back, upper lip, and treasure trail.

Muscle and facial tics: “Tics” or spasms are the body’s response to checking if you’re still alive after you pass out.  Facial tics are noticeable after initial recovery from passing out.  These tics are more severe and indicate an overall feeling of being dead regularly from never finding what you want.    

Seizures: People often succumb to this fate after choosing to stare at a blinking light for hours over even bothering to read through the crap online.

Know your body and your limits.  Fan fiction is not recommended for the faint of heart or for the strong of mind.