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January 17, 2018

'The Post' is a film about the first amendment and, unfortunately, not sex.

Directed by Steven Spielberg, The Post stars Meryl Streep and Tom Hanks in a gripping drama about the battle between government secrecy, the first amendment, and, honestly, that’s about it. It’s very good. You should see it.

For a complete review of the film, check out the paragraph above this one. But for now, here are a few spoiler-free thoughts I had while watching this sure-to-be Oscar contender.

Just Fuck Already!“


Meryl Streep plays the first female publisher of an American newspaper and Hanks, her editor. The two share significant screen time doing nothing but talking … and talking … and talking … and it’s like … JUST FUCK ALREADY! Two actors in their prime shining in one of the year’s best films and you mean to tell me you can’t insert ONE sex scene? And don’t give me that “this is based on a true story” bullshit.

“This All-Star Cast Feels Incomplete Without The Animaniacs.”


Come on, Steven. You can’t pull some strings?


“WAIT A SECOND! Is this entire movie just a Mr. Show sketch?”

MR. SHOW.png

If so, I do NOT get it.

“For a movie so relevant to what’s going on in today’s world, it’s weird that there’s no mention of the Aziz Ansari sex story.”


No Stormy Daniels either? Who wrote this movie?

“OKAY SERIOUS QUESTION, Is Alison Brie Trapped In The Past?”


First Mad Men. Then Glow. Now this. Alison, come back to us.

‘If This Movie Gets A Season 2 Landry Better Not Kill Nobody.“


Eh, who am I kidding? I’d still binge watch it.

“That Little Girl Should Have Invested In Bitcoin.”


While a bunch of reporters are camped out working on a project, Tom Hanks’ young daughter makes a killing selling them all lemonade and it just makes me sad to think she spent all that money on candy or baby dolls instead of saving it and eventually investing in something like Bitcoin or Apple in the 80s. Oh well.

“What’s A Newspaper?”


Best I can tell is it’s like a website, but on paper?