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August 29, 2008


I've always had a fascination for what lurks in the shadows of this world. Most people fear what they do not understand. I am drawn to it...like a strung out hooker to a lonely Asian business traveller. So, when the consquences of my father's arrest made it impossible for me to have friends my own age in my home you can only guess what group of young adults would readily accept an overachieving, attractive, and mature 7th grader into thier circle...theater geeks.

These people were constantly exploring the dark, unknown pieces of the soul. Even if it was mostly make believe. There were a few realistic forays down the road of self destruction...

It was with those thespians that i first experienced the pleasures of sex. First with women (girls, really). Then a few boys (well, technically, men). I did enjoy getting off, but above all, I enjoyed getting someone else off...and the power that came with it. When i did it right (and i learned VERY quickly), my partner would be "eternally grateful". They all called me a beautiful soul...just because of how hard i could make them cum. And i could get them to do anything.

Find the right buttons and you can control the world. Sex is always the right button.

No, it didn't work with everyone, but i would usually blame that on the other person not being "open" to me (whether i believed it or not). So many people were on my side, i still always came out the good guy.

Sadly, though, my sexual promiscuities are not what gets this story going...it's just a good way to get your attention. No, it was the drugs that got everything started. When I stepped into that dark corner of the party a whole new world of unpredictable pleasure and pain, extacy and fear was revealed to me. And the deeper I got the more my entire universe changed. Taking drugs made every experience and encounter seem vivid and exciting, or surreal and terrifying. I loved them all...

Selling and buying drugs brought me together with the most fascinating humans. People I never previously though existed outside of books or television. In reality these people were more incredible than their Hollywood-ized dopplegangers.

I saw the smoothest, slick-backed drug dealers choke back sobs as they were being read their Miranda Rights. I witnessed the toughest, hardest gang-bangers hads shake as they loaded their guns before a robbery. In every instance these men (or women, rare as it may have been), had the will to swallow their fears and run, headlong, into these normally, inconcievable situations. Cock in hand. Sneering or laughing at the world and it's consequences. Even though, inside, they were trembling like a scared child in the dark.

but the fear was always alien to me...