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September 17, 2014
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Don't worry, Ebola sufferers, white people with guns are here.

Hey you stupid virus, soon we will be able to shoot you with our army guns.

The Ebola crisis in West Africa is truly horrific. At least 2,400 people have died so far, and thousands more are gravely ill. To make matters worse, Liberia and Sierra Leone have recently been through civil wars, resulting in shaky infrastructure and a population that has trouble trusting the public health edicts of the government. But all that should change once thousands of white people with guns arrive.

In response to the growing crisis, President Obama has announced that he will send 3,000 US troops to the affected region. It should really reassure the population to see armed foreigners in masks and decontamination suits, most of whom are not doctors.

On August 16th, a mob raided the Ebola clinic in West Point, a quarantined slum in Liberia, because they thought that Ebola was a hoax perpetrated by the government. It should definitely reassure them when they see that the government has invited a foreign army to come hang out. I know when I’m feeling under the weather, the things that make me feel better are rest, fluids, and an armed soldier whose accent I can’t understand.

In all seriousness, it’s great that the US is sending tons of supplies, doctors, and training materials for medical personnel. And, of course, guns. If we didn’t send guns how would they know it was from us?

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