There will be a pop-up cafe opening in SoHo next month, designed to look exactly like Central Perk from Friends. If you’re one of the many fans planning to check it out, here are some things you might see there.
Central Perk is a great place for conversation. On any given day, you might hear NYU students doing their impression of Chandler: “Could I BE any more wasted on vodka, cocaine, MDMA and one of those virility packets from the bodega?” Or maybe you’ll overhear small group of grad students discussing feminist theory as it pertains to the show and the underlying sexual thematic elements that define classic network television in the late 20th century before they yell “MS CHNANDLER BONG HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.”
There will be a type of coffee called “The One That Won’t Make You Shit As Much As The Other Ones."Also, this show was set in the ’90s so there’ll be no gluten-free anything, you fucking pussies.
The barista will be a 19-year-old girl covered in tattoos who confidentially asks you, "What’s ‘Friends,’ anyway?” As she makes you an espresso, you can reflect on the feeling of knowing you’re old and gonna die someday.
In addition to the popular theme song “I’ll Be There For You” playing 45 times on a loop during your visit, you’ll also hear what it’s like when 300 other people’s cell phones are also playing the song. There will be an occasional new modern song by Phoebe to appeal to younger fans, like “Central Twerk.”
The network is “friends” and the password is the entire script from the series finale.
The lovely near-perfect replica of Central Perk will make you feel very comfortable as you reflect on the fact that since the show’s end you’ve felt a deep depression and loneliness that will probably never be filled. In the deep words of Joey Tribbiani, “How you doin'?”