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November 13, 2011

A new recipe that your kids/spouse/guests/whoeverthefuck will enjoy.

This Years Recipe: Breakfast Recipe.

Alright, thanks for tuning in for yet another installment of grandma robs really good recipes.  This weeks recipe is breakfast. Wordiq.com defines breakfast as "a meal that is often eaten during the day at noontime, more commonly known as lunch." so there are two words for breakfast I guess. Anyway, I'm gonna teach you all how to make breakfast that is so good, you'll eat it all the time making you and your children fatter than shit.

Mission: Breakfast

Objectives: Four.


Objective One: Dough Mixture with Vanilla extract to sweeten dough.

     Take about 4 fistfuls of corn and throw it in a bowl. Make sure the corn is yellow, because i often confuse corn with rat shit, which is black. Just kidding, thats an old cooking joke that is pretty standard in the industry.  Anyway, mix the corn with three and a half things of white enriched flour.  Take around a coffee mug full of sugar and set it beside the bowl.  The fumes from the sugar will pervade the corn/flour mixture making it "tainted" with sweet flavor . Dump some vanilla extract into the bowl and mix it up.

Objective Two: Setting the oven on cook setting

      Walk to your oven and set it to "popcorn." Make sure the light goes on and the clear plate spins around, so you know its on.  Don't watch the spinning of the plate for too long though, because you run a risk of being mesmerized by the gentle spinning of the clear plate, and you could wind up covered in blood confused and crying over your child's eviscerated corpse.

Objective Three: Wash your hands.  (optional)

       You don't really need to wash your hands when preparing food because you end up cooking it.  Why are you going to wash your hands and risk getting soap in your breakfast when you're gonna cook the thing in the oven anyway? It's stupid.  Well, i don't know, maybe if you JUST got done taking a shit and you got some shit on your hands or something.  But then again, you're still cooking the breakfast, so even if there's human waste in the mixture, the heat should kill all the germs. You may still have shit in your breakfast, but the oven made it inert and totally harmless. Well like i said, totally optional. 

Objective four: complete!

Mission complete!

Enjoy your breakfast!!!!!! And remember, Even if someone has a knife digging into your throat, you feel your warm blood trickling down to your chest and your heart is racing with your mind trying to wrap itself around the horrifying prospect of your imminent death, and the only way avoid it is that you agree to never cook again, KEEP COOKIN AMERICA!!!!!!!