Obama and Putin met at the U.N. this week to discuss the crisis in Syria. Political analysts closely watched everything about the pair, concluding that it was unlikely they would find common ground. On the other hand, some politicos were stunned that both leaders agreed to drink Rosé during the U.N. brunch.


After circling each other for the past year, President Obama and President Vladimir V. Putin of Russia squared off on Monday at the United Nations, proving how starkly incompetent both of them are by drinking Rosé after labor day.

They gave dueling speeches that showed how differently each of them view the crisis in Syria, but were startlingly both ok with swilling Rosé in public well past the date when everyone knows you switch over to red wine, or go back to drinking Chardonnay if you’re a mother.

Putin wanted to pursue a strategy in the Middle East that involved defending Syria’s president, Bashar al-Assad. This is contrary to everything the United States has put forward. And yet, it seems that Putin and Obama were inexplicably able to agree on one thing: it’s fine to drink Rosé all year round.

We asked our body language expert to analyze the footage. “You see, Obama leans back and grimaces, which shows his strong dislike of Putin, while Putin calmly smiles, showing that he’s really hiding behind a mask. Oh, how do they feel about the Rosé? That’s not really my field.”

So then we asked our sommelier to analyze the footage. “Ooh la la! That is a Belle Epoque 2004! Very crispy, very refreshing- expensive. But who are these imbeciles imbibing such a beverage in September? Tacky!” Precisely.

Though Obama took a forceful position, making a strong defense for diplomacy in the Middle East, he showed the entire world how weak he was by gulping Rosé in front of Putin. Does everyone wish that it were fashionable to drink Rosé all year round? Of course, it’s incredibly delicious. But once summer turns into these crisp fall days, suddenly the light and carefree beverage takes on a tacky air that was masked during summer’s siren song.

By willingly drinking Rosé in front of Putin, Obama showed that he’s willing to compromise just about anything. Was this Putin’s plan all along? Most pundits don’t think so. He looks just as ridiculous as Obama.

Perhaps Putin and Obama were hoping that a shared crisis experience would bring them closer together. If they could compromise their dignity, perhaps they could compromise on the Middle East’s gravest issues. If so, the plan backfired. Reports of their meeting behind closed doors following the Rosé consumption have suggested that both were sleepy and felt like taking a little nap- a perfectly acceptable thing to do on a summer afternoon, but absolutely inappropriate for September!

While Obama and Putin drag their feet and refuse to work together, the world watches on. Both Assad and the Islamic rebels must have watched the UN speeches closely. They must have laughed and laughed at those silly men, doing what only the most tacky sorority sisters dare to do. Hopefully something changes soon. Otherwise, what’s next? Bloody Mary’s at dinner? I truly hope the future of Syria doesn’t come to that.

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