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Published November 05, 2009 More Info »
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Published November 05, 2009

So I attended a seminar tonight and you're now reading about it.  (That's called 'the sadness of equality/boredom).  The seminar was "How to Cope with Stress and Anxiety as a Healthy Woman".  So as I had to pretend to be a healthy woman, that caused stress/anxiety.

 I was attracted to this particular event because a "light dinner and door prizes" was advertised.  I assumed of course this meant a dinner of white wine (light, right?  as opposed to the dark evil of Merlot) with the appropriate door prize of extra booze.  As I walked in, sat down and saw the Chinet Compartment Plate of reheated canned Heinz spaghetti and meatballs, I assumed my assumption was wrong.

 Nevertheless, as I plastic forked the Heinz into my pie-hole, listening to the very educated and highly MD'd speaker converse about ways to deal with stress and alleviate anxiety by 'healthy' means, I realized I was surrounded by non-alcoholics and that just pissed me off but luckily for the 30 minute speech, the aluminum slime taste in my mouth prevented me from commenting. 

 The ending of the speech was highlighted with a request for us all to breathe deeply and then hug the person sitting to our right.  Ah…the beauty of naturally injecting the 'evil mind'.  I warmly embraced the woman sitting to my right, admiring her pretty mustache, and then raised my hand.

 The speaker proudly called upon me for comment and I stated in thank you (with a slight cough), "This has been such a beautiful experience for me tonight, as I'm sure all of you feel the same.  I am much relieved from my recent anxiety contracting the swine flu.")

 My exit, surprisingly, did not elicit applause. 

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