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October 15, 2009


Well its that time of year again. Elk season. Yes though I hate the thought of animal cruelty, Elk hunting is a tradition of mine and its time once again to embark on the annual adventure. This year once again I am off to the deep dark woods to search for my sacred beast lovingly refered here in as MONSTER.  (What you are about to read isa true story.)
 I met MONSTER about nine years ago, I had never been Elk hunting and hadn't been deer hunting for several years, I had become quite urbanized and really didn't feel the need to macho out with the ball sweat.  My nearest and dearest best friend Rod asked me if I'd like to tag along on his Elk hunt- just to see if I would like it. So I went, hey mountains and beer, what could go wrong?
Well there I wasdressed up like the Great Pumpkin from Charlie Brown's Sack full of Fucking Rocks again- and I topped a hill and there in the valley was this ginormouse-king of the foret-Bambies bad ass biker uncle-MONSTER. MONSTER was six feet tall at the shoulder his rack with his head back went beond his ass haunches. MONSTER refers to himself in the third party.
There was a russel in the bushes and MONSTER turned and disapeared into the dense vegitation below the mountain back drop. This was our sighn to move across the valley and we did. Well sort of.....
Half way across the valley I became distanced from my hevily armed freind about fifty yards and I noticed the ground wasn't solid at all It was frosty topped and muddy under so everytime you stepped you slipped a little and stuck alot. I Felt the earth shake, the heavy brush mowed down I looked up and like a freight train out of controll weezing and whishing snort and blow MONSTER.... And we were on a collision course. I ran the chicken dance run. Screaming like a little girl, I ran but MONSTER corrected his path I went left-MONSTER went left, I ran right- MONSTER ran right. Finally seconds before Impact I  screached to my friend "SHOOT THIS MOTHERFUCKER!!!!" The mountains echo'd MOTHERFUCKER,MOTHERfucker,MOTHerfucker,motherfucker.....MONSTER yeilded an inch and I felt the wind and smell from his side as his shoulder and flank brushed against my arm.
MY freind said, "You know people come up here all their life and never get that close to an animal like that, you should feel good about that." I always respond with a Fuck you, I almost got hit by a truck once and I didn't  like that either.  So I have gone every year since. More gear, more ammo. If I find him again I don't know if I can shoot him. Maybe I'll just shoot around him just to pay him back. God bless see ya around the end of the month.