Rick Perry’s campaign is in the tank. Despite his minimal intellect, ignorance of the Constitution and reverence for corporate cleptocracy, he’s losing the Republican nomination. There’s only one way for him to beat Newt Gingrich – declare war on gays.
In recent campaign ads, Perry expressed righteous indignation toward an America that increasingly rejects religious bigotry. He argued that people should be free to exclude gays from the military based on traditional religious principles. But, the Bible doesn’t say anything about gays in the military, rather, it says that gays should be put to death (Leviticus 20:13).
And who else does the Bible tell us to kill? You guessed it, adulterers (Deuteronomy 22:23-24), especially of the Gingrich type. So, by returning to traditional religious principles, Perry will kill two of his least favorite birds with one stone: Gingrich and gays.
But why stop there? In addition to murdering gays and adulterers, traditional Biblical principles mandate stoning wizards (sorry Harry Potter), disobedient children (I’m toast), women who aren’t virgins on their wedding night (glad I’m a guy), and for worshiping other Gods (any Hindus out there?).
One thing’s for certain: under a Perry presidency, we’re going to need a lot of stones.