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October 19, 2016

Beauty and justice for all in Trumplandia on Inauguration Day.

Inauguration Day: January 20th, 2017

The former Presidents and Chief Justice are gathered onstage in front of the U.S. Capitol. The Freedom Kids, all under the age of 10, are performing a song for the audience. Donald saunters onto the stage. He wears a red cape with white leopard fur edges, and holds a golden scepter in his right hand. Melania catwalks in on her stilettos, wearing a fur bikini, Russian fur hat, and diamonds dangling in triangular formation from her nipples to her vagina.

The Freedom Girls finish their performance and march off stage in unison, reminiscent of a Nazi march.

“Let’s hear it for those beauties,” Donald says to the crowd,“Look how cute they are goose stepping at such a young age. Isn’t this just terrific?”

Melania claps robotically. The Freedom Girls squeal with delight.

Trump shrugs to the audience, “You’re welcome. Everything is going to be Alt-right now that I’m President, don’t you worry. I mean look at this, we’re surrounded by beauty in Trumplandia.” Trump gestures to his family,seated in the front row. “We’re going tomake America Great Again with my family. Look at them: smart, pretty, terrifically fuckable and vagina cupable too, I might add. The Trump family will reign over this land for generations to come!” Trump raises his scepter high into the air. The KKK clad section of the audience cheers.

There is a commotion on stage. The former Presidents race to the Trump Gun Vending Machine (conveniently located stage left) and fight over who gets to kill themselves first.

Bill makes a pact with Hillary: “On the count of 3, let’s do it together, Hil.” Hillary agrees, but on the count of 3 decides not to pull the trigger. Bill drops dead. A look of surprise recognition washes over Hillary’s face, “I’m a widow.” Hillary’s toothy grin morphs into a smile as big as a Cheshire cat’s, “I’m likable now! Do-Over!” she shouts to the front of the stage where Trump remains smirking at the podium.

Hillary races toward Trump and is struck by a stray bullet from George W. Bush who can’t manage to successfully kill himself. “Oops,” George says as Hillary goes down and aggressively army crawls toward Donald. “This reminds me of the gunfire I endured in Bosnia.” Hillary looks to the audience, “I say this with sincere and honest recollection.”

Donald raises his fist, “Woot! Woot! I need my foam finger. This is terrific.” He looks at the audience and shrugs. “Told you I’d cleanhouse.”

Hillary makes it to the podium, rests her elbows by Donald’s feet and in one swift gesture pulls the wire of the microphone down. She hisses her last words, “’I’m a widow witha vagina, for the love of God, what more do you fucking people want from me?” Hillary dramatically mic-drops and passes out.

Melania struts over to Hillary’s motionless body, bends down and removes Hillary’s flats. Melania places her own stilettos on Hillary’s feet. “So tragic. If only someone told her to wear stilettos with her pantsuits, she would be President.”

Donald saunters over to Melania, and cups her vagina. “That’s the beauty of America.”